Forever and Always
by briita breakout
Summary: well...5's a charm.
1. Au Revoir

**Hey guys! Guess what...I'm writing again... :) Here's chapter 1. Let's see where this goes!**

"Uh uh," I shook my head, "you're not leaving." I held Fletcher in my arms and stepped in front of Kennedy as he pulled his suitcase out of the closet.

"Baby, I'm leaving. I'll be back in two months, it won't be forever," Kennedy kissed my forehead and dropped his suitcase on the bed.

"You can't leave," I whined.

"Why not?" Kennedy asked, chuckling.

"Because I can't come with you," I replied, patting Fletchers back.

"Mommy!" Hawke came running around the corner and held up his SpongeBob cup, "I want some juice."

"I'll get you some juice in a second baby," I leaned down and grabbed his cup, "Mommy's just gonna talk to Kennedy and I'll have your juice right away."

"Thank you," he smiled at me and all I saw was Eric in his eyes. It made me sad and happy at the same time. He turned to leave and I quickly patted his little butt.

"Give me a kiss kid," I giggled. Hawke turned around and placed his little lips on my cheek. He padded out of the room and by the time I turned around Kennedy already had his bag half packed.

"How the hell did you do that?" I asked, astonished.

"I'm used to fast packing," he replied. "I've moved around a few times." He winked and I rolled my eyes. We had moved a few times in the past year and finally settled back in Arizona. We loved Boston and New Jersey but Arizona was home, and Hake got to see Eric more now that he had moved back to Arizona.

"I'm gonna miss you," I whispered as Kennedy threw a pair of socks into the suitcase.

"I'm gonna miss you more," he replied, "but Daddy's gotta do what's Daddy's gotta do. And Daddy's gotta go on tour."

"Why couldn't you guys just stay broken up?" I whined.

"Because John finally got his head out of his ass," Kennedy laughed.

"Oh you mean he stopped being a father," I retorted.

"Hey, him and Madison have a great relationship," Kennedy justified, "It's him and Carolyn that had the problem."

"You mean Lacey," I corrected him.

"Isn't that what I said." Kennedy chuckled and grabbed a pair of Vans from under the desk.

"What are you? Packing for 8 months?" I teased.

"No, baby. I'm packing for a two month tour where I don't know how often I'm going to be able to do laundry."

"Well, If you take everything, what of yours am I gonna be able to hold onto?" I stuck out my bottom lip and Kennedy stopped packing.

"Come here," he waved me in and took Fletcher into his arms. "You see this beautiful little boy right here?" He looked down into Fletchers green eyes and smiled, "this is what you have to hold onto…and guess what?"

"What baby?" I replied, gently rubbing Kennedy's arm.

"There's another one right down the hall, he looks just like this one. You can hold onto that one too," Kennedy kissed Fletchers forehead and handed him back to me.

"Your boys are going to miss you too," I reminded him. "What am I gonna say when you're not home for their first birthday?"

"Baby, I promise I'll be home for their birthday. Even if I have to leave tour and fly all the way home," Kennedy replied. I had to believe him.

I slumped over to the loveseat at the end of the bed and flopped down, "this sucks."

"What sucks is that you're not coming with me, this tour is going to be awesome!" Kennedy exclaimed.

"It better not be too awesome mister," I shot him a look, "So help me God if I find out anything…"

"Don't even!" Kennedy cut me off.

"What like it hasn't happened before?" I shot back.

"Touché," he winced. "I promise you, no funny business."

"You bet your ass," I replied getting up off the couch. I gripped Hawke's cup in my hand and sighed. "I'll be right back, I have to get my son some juice."

"Speaking of your son," Kennedy cut me off before I could leave. "Have you, uh, talked to his father?"

"Not lately why?" I asked.

"I don't know. It's just, we're all back in Arizona. Hawke probably wants to see his dad…"

"Hawke does see his dad," I interrupted him, "He sees him all the time."

"I know, I know." Kennedy shot up his hands, "I'm just saying, maybe if you needed a little help, he can come and maybe…"

"Oh no!" I exclaimed, "Kennedy I am not helpless, I am not calling Eric to come take Hawke."

"Okay," Kennedy shrugged, "It was just a suggestion."

"I'll give you a suggestion," I winked and sauntered out of the room."

"Can I take that suggestion now or later?" Kennedy called after me.

"Later, If you play your cards right," I yelled back.

Stepping down into the living room I spotted Hawke on the couch watching iCarly and quickly snuck a kiss on his cheek.

"I'm getting your juice, silly!" I giggled.

"Thank you," he replied, not taking his eyes off the screen.

I padded into the kitchen and lay Fletcher in his swing. Jack would be waking up from his nap soon and then I'd have to put Fletcher down for his. They couldn't nap together because if one woke up and started crying, he'd wake the other up. Two crying, awake, babies was not fun.

I poured Hawke his juice and walked back into the living room.

"Two hands," I instructed before handing him the cup. He took a big gulp and wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

"Hey, not okay!" I scorned, "if you need a napkin, ask!"

"Daddy lets me use my sleeve," he replied. Great job, Eric.

"Well Daddy's not here right now," I shook my head, "I'll get you a napkin."

"When's Daddy coming?" Hawke asked.

"He's not coming over today," I explained, "You're stuck with me."

"But what if I want to see Daddy?" Hawke looked up at me with those beautiful eyes and I just melted.

"I, I'll call Daddy later okay?" I replied before I heard Kennedy calling for me.

"Britta!" he exclaimed down the hallway.

"Yes, Dear!" I sarcastically replied.

"What's this?" Kennedy asked, holding up a bottle of champagne. As soon as I lay my eyes on it I knew what it was. It was the bottle of champagne that chapel had given Eric and me the night of our "second wedding." We hadn't drunk it because we wanted to save it to remember the day. I had it stashed in the closet, hoping to not have to see it. But Kennedy must have found it when I was packing.

"It's nothing," I replied.

"So can I trash it, it looks old and the labels like falling off," Kennedy asked.

"No!" I exclaimed.

"Whoa, calm down. What's so special about a bottle of $25 champagne?"

"It's uh; it's just special to me. It's from my parents wedding."

"Britt, you're parents never got married," Kennedy reminded me.

"Oh yeah," I replied, embarrassed.

"So what is it?" He asked again.

"It's uh, from a wedding…"

"Whose?" Kennedy shook the bottle and leaned in, anticipating an answer.

"Mommy and Daddy's," Hawke answered for me. I looked down at him and wrinkled my brow, "how the hell…never mind."

"Is he right? Is this from you and Eric's wedding?" Kennedy asked.

"Uh, yeah," I answered, not knowing how he'd react.

"Can I ask why you hid it in the closet?" Kennedy stepped forward and placed the bottle on the breakfast nook.

"I didn't think you'd want me to keep it…"

"Why not?" Kennedy shrugged, "Eric meant a lot to you and you probably promised to keep the bottle. I wouldn't expect you to get rid of it."

"Yeah," was all I could respond.

"So where's our bottle?" Kennedy winked.

"Well," I smirked, "one of them is in the swing in the kitchen and the other one is napping."

Kennedy laughed and came closer, pulling me into a hug he kissed my forehead and I dug my head into his chest.

"I don't want you to go," I whined into his shirt.

"I have to," he whined back, "but I promise I'll call you every night. Check in on my boys, and my baby." Kennedy backed away, "and this little bugger." He plopped down on the couch and pulled Hawke into his lap. He giggled and almost spilled his juice. Kennedy made raspberry's on his cheek and he laughed even harder.

"Calm down guys," I laughed, "we don't want any juice spilled."

"Oh you mean like this," Kennedy grabbed Hawke's cup and poured some on the carpet.

"You did not!" I screamed.

"Oh but I did,' Kennedy replied. He placed Hawke back down on the couch and stood. "What are you going to do about it."

"I'll just have to punish you," I growled. Kissing him hard, I grabbed his sides and backed away from the couch. "So how long are you gonna be away?"

"Two months," Kennedy replied between our synchronizing lips.

"That's a loooong time," I teased.

"That it is," he breathed.

"We won't be able to…for two months. Two long months," I cooed.

"It's a shame," Kennedy pushed the bedroom door open and we stumbled backwards towards the bed.

"Oh god we can't," I whined. "Not with three babies in the house."

"What babies?" Kennedy kissed my neck.

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes. "This. sucks. so. much."

"You're telling me," Kennedy sighed.

"Can't you just fake sick?" I whined.

"Baby, I'm going on tour not school," Kennedy chuckled.

"Ugh," I groaned, "I hate The Maine. I hate tours. I hate you not being home."

"Well, I love you." Kennedy kissed my forehead and crawled off my body. "Forever,"

"And always." I replied, sitting up on my elbows. "Where are you going?"

"I'm putting Fletcher down for his nap and getting Jack," Kennedy replied as he stood in the doorway.

"But Jack's not…" Just as I began the words a cry came from the nursery and Kennedy gave me the "I told you" look. I didn't know how he did that, but he was damn good at it.

"Don't leave," I called after him.

"Babe, I'm going to the kitchen to get our son." He tapped the door frame with his hand and kissed the air in my direction.

"I feel like I'm gonna blink and you'll be gone," I sadly replied.

"Just don't blink," Kennedy smirked and walked out of sight.

I blinked.

***

After having a night of…well you know. Kennedy left at around three AM and gently kissed my forehead. I didn't want him to know I was awake because then I'd have to watch him leave and I couldn't do that. It'd be too damn hard. This tour was so important to him and the band but it made me want to punch things. I was going to miss him so much, and what sucked is there was no way I could go with him.

I missed the days when I was 18 and had nothing to tie me down. He could have said "let's go to Timbuktu" and I would have gone in a second. Now I was a mom of three, a divorce, a wife, and just finished putting out my second album. What the hell had happened to me? Oh yeah, I grew up.

I rolled over and batted my eyes awake. The alarm clock read that it was 10:30 and I couldn't believe I had slept that long. Correction; I couldn't believe the boys had slept that long. I was about to crawl out of bed when Hawke came around the corner in his pajamas holding the house phone up to his ear.

"She's awake now," he said into the receiver.

"Is that Kennedy, baby?" I asked my voice still raspy.

"No," he handed me the phone, "it's Daddy."

I froze. Why had Eric called? Or did Hawke call him. I slammed my palm over the receiver and whisper-yelled to Hawke.

"Why is Daddy on the phone?"

"Because he wanted to talk to you?" Hawke shrugged.

"Oh great," I put on a fake smile and placed the phone up to my ear.

"Hi Eric," I greeted his call.

"Hey Britta," he replied, "or should I say Good Morning."

"Oh yeah, Good Morning."

"So what's up?" He asked.

"Just woke up," I replied.

"Oh cool," He sniffled, "so uh, how's Hawke?"

"He's great," I replied, "he uh, wants to see you soon."

"Yeah, I want to see him too."

"We could probably set something up where you can come get him," I replied, "I can't really go that far cause I have all the boys."

"Oh right, Kennedy left for the tour! You've got all those babies by yourself!" Eric exclaimed.

"I can handle it," I replied.

"No, that's crazy. I'll swing by later and pick up Hawke."

"Eric, really it's okay. You can see Hawke this weekend," I tried to suggest.

"No, that's ridiculous. You shouldn't have to take care of them all alone, I'll be there soon."

"Eric, really. I'm okay…"

"No no no," Eric interrupted me, "I'll be there soon."

There was no point in arguing. "Ohkay, great." I enthused through a clenched jaw. "See you soon."

"See ya." He hung up and I tossed the phone across the room. "Ugh!!"

"Is daddy coming?" Hawke asked. I just looked at him and tried to smile. "Yes baby."


	2. Mr, Mr, and Mrs

**Chapter 2 :) Enjoy!**

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**Britta's POV-**

"Mommy, Daddy's here!" Hawke came running around the corner with a smile plastered across his face.

I sat in the office wearing nothing but one of Kennedy's shirts and a pair of boxers. Quickly I threw my hair up in a side ponytail and grabbed a pair of sweatpants off the floor. My glasses slightly slid down the bridge of my nose as I pulled them on, but I pinched them back up and ran for the door.

I pulled it open before Eric could knock and greeted him with a smile.

"Hey, Britta!" He handed me a cup of coffee. "I thought you might need this."

I took the coffee and thanked him, not going to inform him of the steaming cup of tea waiting for me back at my desk. I backed into the house so he could come inside and let him close the door.

"So where's my boy?" He asked as soon as we both noticed Hawke's absence.

"Hawke!" We called simultaneously. Looking at each other we shared a quick painful smile and I inched closer to the hallway. Being in this home together was far more uncomfortable then I could handle. We raised a family in this house. We loved in this house. And now that love was gone.

Hawke came skipping around the corner and as he spotted his father his face lit up. Jumping from the slight step to the hardwood floor he hopped down and ran into his father's legs.

"Hey buddy!" Eric chuckled, "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Daddy." Hawke said into the space between his calves.

"I'm gonna go back to working," I motioned towards the hallway and took the small step.

"Okay," Eric nodded, "where's uh…where's Jack and Fletcher?"

"Fletcher is in the office with me, asleep. And Jack is with Kennedy's brother for the day. He'll be back soon."

"Why didn't they both go with his brother?" Eric asked.

"Only one car seat will fit on the back of the bike," I replied. Laughing on the inside.

"What!" Eric exclaimed.

Laughing so hard I clutched my stomach I sucked in a deep breath and smiled at Eric, "Goodness, I was kidding. His brother only takes Jack out because Fletcher doesn't car rides. He gets really cranky, and he'd rather stay here with his momma."

"Sounds like his brother," Eric laughed, referring to Hawke.

"Yupp, guess so." I turned and walked back towards the office. "I'm right here if you need me."

**Lacey's POV-**

"Holy fuck, I can't believe it!" I exclaimed as we slumped back into the car.

"This is bullshit," John slammed his hand into the steering wheel.

"This can't be happening," I whined. "I already told my mom about the wedding. She's so excited."

"You told your mom?" John looked astonished, "I thought we were doing the Vegas thing like Eric and Britta?"

"_The Vegas thing like Eric and Britta,"_ I mocked him, "we're not them John, we don't have to do exactly what they did. Wanna know why? Cause they've been divorced for three years now."

"Hey hey!" John threw up his hands in defense, "what happened in there sucks, but you don't have to take your anger out on me."

"I'm sorry," I apologized, "I just, I can't fucking believe this. I wanted to marry you so bad."

I grabbed John's hand and he slightly rubbed mine with his thumb. I could tell he was trying to be strong but behind his beautiful eyes he was falling apart.

"We're gonna get married no matter what," John assured me, "we just have to figure this out and everything will be fine."

"And how are we going to do that?" I exclaimed.

"I don't know," John sadly admitted.

I slammed my forehead into my palm and took some calming yoga breaths. After my anger management classes they suggested I take up a yoga class to relieve some stress. It was somewhat working, but at that moment my stress level was higher than the Eiffel Tower.

"We'll figure this out, I promise," John squeezed my hand tighter and we pulled out of the parking lot.

"Ugh, fuck me."

"What's wrong?" John asked as we turned down our street.

"I have to watch Madison today because The Maine going off on tour. In fact, I think they already fucking left. Shit, we have to go to John's house."

John pulled a U-Turn in the middle of the street and speed down the road.

"Why would John take his daughter back to Arizona with him if he knew he was going on tour?" John asked.

"I don't know, this is John remember?" I replied, "plus Carolyn would bitch if she knew Madison was going with him. So of course, I have to cover his ass and watch his daughter and pretend like he's home."

"Fun," John rolled his eyes. "Hey wait, I just thought of something."

"What?" I asked.

"I know who would know what to do in our situation!" John exclaimed, "Britta!"

"Oh my god, you're right!" I reached for my phone and punched in her number. "Oh wait," I put the phone back down, "I don't want to bother her. She's got all the babies by herself, she's probably going crazy."

"She's got all three?" John asked.

"Well yeah, well maybe Hawke could be with Eric, but Fletcher and Jack are Kennedy's…"

"Jack," John interrupted me. "Isn't Jack what she was going to name that baby that she lost?"

"Yeah…" I replied, "What about it?"

"Nothing," John shook his head. He swallowed hard and I tried to read his expression. Something was up, and I wanted to find out. I knew how to pump John for information, but that'd have to wait until later.

"Maybe we could stop by Britta's and see if she needs help with the kids," I suggested.

"Yeah," John shook his head. En route to John's house we'd have to pass Britta's. I figured Kennedy's BMW would be in the driveway, Britta's fusion and The Outlander, but there was another car too. A white Toyota Camry. The only person I knew that drove a white Toyota Camry was…Eric?

"John, I tapped his arm, "Is that…Eric's car?"

"Yeah," John leaned closer to the window, "I think it is…"

"That's weird," I pulled my phone back out of my pocket and dialed her number. She had some explaining to do.

**Eric's POV-**

As I prepared Hawke some banana's and peanut butter, him and his mother's favorite snack, I heard a phone going off somewhere in the foreground.

Following the Paramore ringtone my search ended at a black handbag at the end of the dining room table. Reaching in my finger tips felt vibrating plastic and I pulled out Britta's gyrating iPhone. Lacey was calling.

Licking the peanut butter off my fingers, I darted through the living room and raced to the office. Britta sat at the desk, typing furiously with headphones in her ears. Her wavy black hair was pulled to the side and draped down her shoulder as her shirt was slightly falling down her arm.

_God, she's beautiful._

She noticed me in the doorway and pulled the headphones out of her ear. "What's up?"

"Phone," I motioned it towards her and she hopped up. "Who is it?"

"Lacey." I replied as she plucked the phone out of my hand.

"Thank you," she winked at me and pressed talk.

"Hey Lace," she rolled her eyes, "what on earth do you want?"

I slowly backed out of the room but hugged the wall with my shoulder blades. I couldn't believe I was ease dropping on my ex-wife. Trying not to breathe to loud I tucked my feet back and just listened.

"Yes that's Eric's car outside."

"Because Eric's here."

She paused for a second.

"Because I have a lot of work to do today and Eric is watching Hawke for me."

"Jack is with Kenny's brother." "Fletchers right here."

"Lacey are you insane?"

"He is Hawke's father, and I need all the help I can get."

"No he doesn't know. I'm just going to surprise him in his sleep. It's not rape if you yell surprise!"

"ERIC IS TOTALLY EASE-DROPPING RIGHT NOW!"

Slowly I backed away from the door frame and stepped back into the living room. As I got to the kitchen I figured it was okay to laugh.

**Britta's POV-**

"So what's going on?" I asked Lacey.

"We have a major problem," she replied.

"What's up?"

"Well, John and I went to town hall to get our marriage license…."

"You guys are getting married!' I exclaimed.

"Well, if you let me finish you'll find out why we can't!"

"Wait, you can't?"

"No, Britta. We can't…because according to the state of New York, I'm still married to Antonio Benicia."

"No!" I gasped, "I thought you guys got the marriage annulled a long time ago!"

"Guess not!" Lacey replied, "I signed the papers, he must have decided not to."

"Oh Lace that sucks," I sighed, "I'm really sorry."

"So what do I do?" Lacey exclaimed. "What did you do?"

"Well Eric and I had to get a divorce; we shared far too much to just annul it. Kennedy and I were already engaged before our divorce was final. But we couldn't actually get married until it was. It's the law." I explained, "You have to find Antonio and get him to sign those papers, or else you and John can't get married…ever."

"Ugh, fuck me." Lacey sighed.

"Well call me if you need any more help, I'll talk to you soon."

"Alright thanks Britt," Lacey said before hanging up.

I finished up on the computer and finally made my way into the living room. Hawke across one side of the couch and Eric was stretched out over the love seat.

"How are my boy…?" I stopped myself before I made it plural…and awkward.

"I'm good," Hawke replied, waving a peanut butter covered hand at me.

"Sound good," I kissed his little forehead and rubbed his tummy.

"Well I'm gonna go, take a shower and put Fletcher down for his nap. If Uncle Byron comes with Jack tell him mommy said thank you and that she'll call him later."

"Okay," Hawke shook his head.

"And how about when Jack comes back we all go to Fun World? Does that sound fun?"

"Yes!" Hawke nearly bounced off the couch, "thank you mommy."

He wrapped his little arms around my neck and I rubbed his back, "no problem buddy."

Eric smiled at me and I pretended like I didn't notice. Kissing Hawke's cheek, I put him back on the couch and made my way back to the office to get Fletcher ready for his bath.

Just as I picked him up I heard my phone ring and rolled my eyes, "God Lacey, what do you want now."

It wasn't Lacey.

"Hi Baby," I answered the phone.

"Hello beautiful," Kennedy replied. "I just finished my driving shift so I figured I should call you to check in."

"Oh yeah," I shook my head, "I can't believe you guys are back in the van."

"It's not that bad," Kennedy chuckled, "but I miss you."

"I miss you too baby, but I was just about to give Fletch a bath so can I call you later?"

"Yeah that's fine," Kennedy agreed. "Alright babe, Bye. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Forever.'

"And Always."

**thanks for reading :)**


	3. Three's A Crowd

**Not very long...but some Drama is upon us ;)**

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**Kennedy's POV-**

Going on tour is one of my favorite things to do, but being away from home really sucks. Britta's home right now with three kids, tons of work today, and no me. I miss her, I miss Hawke, I miss Jack and Fletcher. This band, this tour…better be worth it. I love Music, but It'll never be my first love. Britta, Being a Father, THEN music. But I can't forget the fans that got me here. That's why I'm on this tour. The Maine. Boy, what a life.

"Kennedy wake the fuck up!" Garrett screamed and slapped my arm.

"What the fuck man!" I pushed his hand away, "Why'd you wake me up."

"We're stopping for gas," Garrett replied, "I didn't know if you wanted anything at the Mobil station."

All I could do was sigh and slowly shake my head. "You woke me up to ask if I wanted something from MOBIL?"

"Yes," Garrett shortly replied.

"No, Garrett. I don't!"

"Well what crawled up your butt and died?" Garrett teased.

"He always gets like this," Pat explained, "It's a mixture of the anger issues and separation anxiety."

"Hey! He's the one who called this the 'No Wives' tour. I would have gladly brought Rachael, but no…"

"And where would she have sat?" I snapped.

"Right here." Garrett rubbed his lap and raised his eye brows.

"Ugh," I groaned and leaned my head against the window. "There's no way I can get back to sleep now."

"Who sleeps on tour anyway?" Garrett shrugged his arms over the back of the seat, "besides, tonight we're fucking burning shit."

"Oh yeah," I rolled my eyes as I remembered our tradition of Burn Night the first night of tour. We take things we hate or regret and burn them in some long dumb ceremony and then get drunk. It wasn't fun unless you were a big drinker and had a lot to regret. Looks like this tour was my tour to have fun.

"So what are you burning Kennedy?"

**Britta's POV-**

Welcome to Fun World! Arizona's version of Chuckie Cheese on Steroids. Hawke loved it and Madison pretended she was too cool for it, but she secretly loved it too.

"Alright, we're pulling in now." I hung up as soon as I saw Lacey standing in the parking lot with Madison close at her side.

We pulled into the spot next to her and Eric hopped out to grab Hawke out of the backseat. I pulled open the door and waved Lacey over to help me get Jack and Fletcher.

"Oh hey Eric," Lacey said, eyeing me.

"Hey Lace," he replied, not noticing her weird tone.

I shot her a look and tucked Jack close into my chest. I shut the door and marched towards the entrance. We stepped up to the counter and I handed the teenage clerk my credit card.

"I need $200 on each card please," I asked.

"Britt, you don't have to pay for Madi," Lacey butted in, "really."

"It's fine," I replied, "I have to pay her for watching Hawke anyway."

Madison winked at me and grabbed the freshly loaded card from the clerk.

"Hey aren't you…"

"Tyra Banks, yeah I get that a lot," I joked.

"No…you're Britta aren't you?"

"Guilty," I replied.

"Holy crap." The teenage boy started to slowly freak out, "I'm a, I'm a big fan. Could I maybe get a picture?"

"Sure," I laughed.

Eric stepped up behind me and I tapped his chest, "Look Lovey he's a fan…"

Oh shit. I did not just do that.

Lacey began hysterically laughing and the uncomforted look on the young boys face grew even more confused.

"I'm sorry about that," I cleared my throat and pointed towards the end of the counter. "I'll go around there."

I walked behind the counter and the worker pulled out his cell phone. I handed Jack to John and smiled for the picture.

"Thank you," the teen smiled and shoved his phone back in my pocket. "My girlfriend is never going to believe this."

"What's your girlfriend's name?" I asked.

"Ashley," he replied.

I took a piece of paper of the counter and scribbled out, "Hey Ashley, you have a pretty cool boyfriend. He works at Fun World, fyi ;) Love, Britta."

"Give this to her," I said handing him the note. "She'll love you forever."

"You're awesome, thank you."

I smiled and walked back from behind the counter. John was still holding Jack and I reached out my hands for him.

"Can I hold him for a little bit longer?" he asked.

"Uhm sure," I replied. Oh John, I love you dearly, but you're an odd child.

We marched inside and I spotted an open table. Throwing my purse down, I took a seat and pulled out my phone. Kennedy would be calling soon…hopefully, and I could tell him about the cute fan who works at Fun World.

"So..." Lacey raised an eye brow and leaned in as Eric walked away with Hawke. She gently rocked Fletcher as she asked, "What's with Mr. Dad all of a sudden?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Eric!" She exclaimed, "As soon as Kennedy's goes away he's all of a sudden Hawke's full time Dad."

"Lacey that makes no sense! Eric's Hawke's Dad no matter what," I replied.

"I'd question that," Lacey replied, leaning back in here seat.

"You're kidding right?" I chuckled, "Eric was the only person I had ever slept with when I got pregnant with Hawke. Eric is Hawke's father Lacey."

"Whatever you say," Lacey rolled her eyes.

"Come one Lacey!" I whisper-yelled, "I've only slept with three people in my whole god damned life!"

"Three?" Lacey shook her head, "Wait, Britta. If Eric's Hawke's father and Kennedy's the twins; who else did you sleep with?"

**Kennedy's POV-**

We pulled out of the mobile station and Pat took on his driving shift. I loved touring in the van, but the only thing that sucked was there was no place to sleep. Eventually we'd have to pull over and find a hotel. The whole saving money concept really goes out the window when you add in Hotel fees.

"So guys, where are we doing this Burn Night shit?" I asked.

"I told you Kenny," John replied from the passenger seat, "When we find the spot, we'll know."

"Well, I can tell you right now. If we keep going down the road, we're got nothing. Then about 50 miles of nothing, and a few exits that go off to nothing."

"And how do you know this?" Jared asked.

"Because Britta and I took this road when we moved to the beach house. There's nothing for a couple hundred miles, just desert and mountains," I explained.

"Awesome," John rolled his eyes, "Well Mr GPS, where should we go?"

"Take a left at the end of this road and we'll find some stuff to do, a probably a place to stay," I replied.

"You heard the man, take a left," John instructed Pat.

"So what are you guys burning?" I asked.

Garrett reached in his pocket and pulled out a brand new pack of cigarettes. "I'm quitting," he said. "These are the last cigs I'll ever burn."

"I'm throwing in this." Jared held up his black wig, "Randal has gotten me through some…interesting times. But it's time he retires to the ashes/"

"What about you John?" I asked.

"I don't really want to talk about it," he replied. It most likely had something to do with Carolyn or Lacey. Either way, he was done with both of them.

"So John," Garrett tapped his shoulder, "why did you break up with Carolyn?"

"Because," John snapped, "things weren't working out."

"What about Madison?" Jared asked.

"What about her? She's my daughter and I'm going to take care of her," John replied.

"But how are you going to take care of Madison if she lives in New York with Carolyn and you're in Arizona?" Garrett asked.

"I'll figure it out," John waved away the questions. "Why do you guys care if Carolyn and I are together or not?"

"Well because…" Jared shrugged.

"Because you completely shut down one of the hottest girls I know, to be with her. And now you're just not together…"

"Please don't bring up Lacey." John rubbed his temple.

"Dude, she gave up everything for you man. And you completely spit in her face…"

"Kinda like she did to me, huh?" John shot back.

"What are you talking about?" Garrett replied, confused.

"She gave up everything right? She gave up John? Fucking John Gomez. I gave up my own daughter! My fucking flesh and blood. I gave up Carolyn, because I didn't want to hurt Lacey. And just when we were finally going to be together for real…she…ugh."

"She what?" I asked.

"She sleeps with you!" He coldly replied.

**Thanks for reading :)**


	4. Who's Lovey will I be now?

**Sorry it took so long!! here's your upate Lovey's :)**

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**Kennedy's POV-**

"We are almost at the hotel!" John announced as we took a sharp left.

"Good because I'm tried as fuck!" Garrett yelled from the backseat. He was always so cheery when he was over tired.

"So Kennedy," Pat nudged my shoulder. "You still haven't told us what you're burning."

"Does it really matter?" I rolled my eyes, "It's not important."

"Obviously it is, if you're burning it, Kenny," Jared said, leaning forward and resting his arms on the back of the seat.

"Let me guess…" John said from the driver's seat, "it has something to do with…Britta?"

"No!" I retorted, "why would it have anything to do with her?"

"Just a guess," John flinched, "jeez, down boy!"

"Sorry," I replied, "no, it doesn't have anything to do with Britta."

"I can't believe you guys got married dude," Pat said, his breath fogging up the glass of the van window.

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"I don't know…it's just. Okay, when you first brought her home from California I could see in your eyes that you loved her like crazy. And she loved you like crazy. But…"

"But what?" I asked.

"But then she met Halvo…"

**Britta's POV-**

We pulled in the driveway after a long day at Fun Day and I put the car in Park.

"It's weird huh?" I asked.

"What?" Eric replied.

"Coming back to this house, riding in this car. I mean this used to be our house, and now it's mine and Kennedys. This used to be our car. Hawke is our son…"

"It's not that weird," Eric interrupted me, "I mean, things change right? People change."

"People change," I shook my head. "Well the boys are really tired, so I'm gonna get them inside."

"I'll help you." Eric hopped out of the passenger side. He pulled open the back door and unhooked Hawke's seatbelt. He blinked awake and smiled at his dad.

"Hey buddy," Eric whispered, "you tired huh?"

"Nuh uh!" He shook his head and jumped in his father's arms.

From across the seat I watched them and couldn't help but smile. Lifting Jack out of his car seat, I felt a hand on my band and slightly turned.

"I can get Fletcher," Eric lightly suggested.

"Uhm, thank you." I backed away and took Hawke's hand. "Come on buddy."

We all piled inside and I pushed my fingers up to my lips to tell Hawke to be quiet. Eric and I tip toed up to the nursery and placed Jack and Fletcher in their cribs.

Eric stood above Fletcher's crib and smiled at him. I joined his by his side and squeezed the rim.

"You're so lucky," Eric whispered. "They actually sleep. I remember it taking hours for Hawke to stop crying and finally sleep."

"Oh goodness," I chuckled, "I'd have to come in and sing to him. Remember that?"

"Yeah I do!" Eric laughed, "I'm pretty sure you sang every Brighten song twice almost every night."

"Our baby has good taste in music." I slid my hand over as I reached in to tuck in Fletcher and my pinky lightly hit Eric's.

He cleared his throat and pulled his hand away. I whispered "Sorry" but I didn't think he heard me. I closed the door and stepped out into the bright hallway.

"Thanks for helping me out today," I finally broke the silence.

"No problem," Eric shook his head, "Hawke can come stay with me some nights too. You know, if you want to just relax."

"That'd be great," I replied, "but tonight is movie night, so sadly Hawke isn't going anywhere."

I walked past Eric and descended the steps. Eric was close behind and I anticipated having to say goodbye. I didn't want him to think I was kicking him out, but he couldn't stay here.

Hawke was already on the couch when we reached the living room and I plopped down next to him. Routinely, he pulled open the drawer under the coffee table and started shuffling threw the movies.

"Alright guys," Eric started towards the door, "I'll call you…"

"Daddy stay for movie?" Hawke asked, poking his little head up from behind the couch.

Eric looked at me for approval and I began to sweat. I could feel my cheeks getting red and my hands start to warm.

"It's up to Mommy," Eric replied.

Hawke dropped to his knees and grabbed my hand, "Daddy stay for movie!"

"Uhm, sure!" I replied. Jesus, help me!

"Alright!" Eric sat down on the other end of the couch and shrugged out of his jacket.

This was going to be fun!

**Lacey's POV-**

"Who could Britta have slept with!?" I exclaimed as soon as John and I got in the car.

"I don't know," John replied, "but it's her business…"

"You're kidding right?" I shot him a look, "I'm her best friend, she's supposed to tell me everything."

"Well, maybe something's you don't tell anyone. Even your best friend," John justified.

"You mean cheating on your husband? Which husband would it be, Eric or Kennedy?" I pondered.

"Maybe she didn't cheat on anyone…maybe they were broken up when it happened…"

"Oh come on, John. Let's think about this…she was a virgin when she met Kennedy and never slept with him. Then she met Eric, slept with him and married him. They broke up a lot though. A couple times when she was pregnant. It couldn't have been then, I mean come on she was pregnant! And she only kissed Brian…oh my god do you think she slept with Brian? No, no way. Okay so, she had Hawke after their second wedding. Then…wait! After Hawke was born her and Eric separated because…because she was still really upset about the Kennedy and…me thing. That might have been when…"

"Yeah maybe," John agreed.

"I bet that's when it happened, cause there's no way she could cheat on Kennedy right? Right no way," I ranted.

"I really don't know, and it's none of my business…"

"Oh shut up John!" I exclaimed.

"Whatever Lacey, but it's really not my business who she sleeps with. I mean, her and Eric were broken up…you and me were broken up…"

"What does us being broken up having anything to do with Britta sleeping with someone?"

"Exactly," John's voice cracked, "they have nothing to do with each other, so it doesn't matter."

"Okay John, whatever you say…"

**Kennedy's POV-**

The hotel was nice, you couldn't deny that. Our room was pretty big so we didn't have to get two. I, sadly, was stuck sleeping on the floor. I didn't mind though. Garrett gave me one of his pillows because he couldn't sleep with more than one and there were extra blankets in the closet.

It was nearly 11 and we still hadn't performed the burning ceremony. I was growing more and more relieved as the minutes passed, because I got one minute closer to not having to explain what I was burning.

"I found the spot!" John burst in the door with a bottle of lighter fluid in his hand.

"That's great John," I rolled my eyes.

"Kennedy, seriously…go buy some Tampax if you're gonna act like that," John mumbled as he stepped in the room.

"Come on guys, burn night is supposed to be fun! Remember?" Pat tried to lighten the mood.

"Well it would be fun if Kennedy just told us what he was burning!" Jared exclaimed.

"Uhm excuse me!" I held up my hand, "but John hasn't said what he was burning either."

John gave me a "thanks a lot" look and reached in his pocket. He pulled out a tiny plastic ring. He twirled it around his finger a few times and sighed. I could tell he was upset, but I didn't understand the ring.

"This was Lacey and I's promise ring. She got it out of one of those things at the mall. She gave it to me the night before I left for ASU. She said it was her promise that she'd always love me, and it was my promise that I'd come back and save one day."

"I'm sorry John," Garrett whispered from the couch.

"I put the damn ring on my finger and drove all the way back to fucking Tempe. And you know where she was when I got back. John's house. John fucking Gomez's house. I sat in her damn driveway waiting for her to come home and she never did. She spent the whole damn night at John's house."

"Can you really blame her though?" Jared asked, "you were gone, and her and John liked each other for a while."

"It shouldn't have mattered," John muttered before stomping towards the door, "let's just get this thing over. I want this damn thing destroyed."

John left the room and I dropped my forehead onto my knees. Lacey meant a lot to him and she always somehow got away. But didn't he love her sister? Wasn't he the one who got her pregnant and never told Lacey? You don't do that if you love someone. Right?

**Britta's POV-**

We put "The Incredibles" in and Hawke lay his head on my lap. We had watched this movie at least 50 times but he loved it. And I loved movie night. But this movie night was a little…different.

"You want a drink?" Eric asked.

"Uhm sure thanks," I replied as I rubbed Hawke's soft hair.

Eric got up and headed for the kitchen. Just as he left the room I remembered what was sitting on the breakfast nook. Shit!

"Hey is this…" Eric walked out into the living room with the champagne from our wedding in his hand.

"Yeah it is," I replied. Oh god.

"I can't believe you kept this!" He chuckled, "that's crazy."

"We were pretty back then too," I replied.

Eric laughed and shook the bottle, "we were huh? Crazy in love."

The room fell silent just as the music swelled in a climactic scene in the movie.

"So, should we finally open this puppy? You know, just cause. This is the first time we've seen each other in a while, and what's the point of keeping this old thing around?"

"Yeah sure," I replied, a little let down he wanted to open it. A part of me still wanted to keep it.

I heard a pop coming from the kitchen and glasses clinking. Great, that's all we needed, was to get drunk. Things happen when I get drunk. At least this time I'm not single…and out for revenge.

**Kennedy's POV-**

"So Kenny!" Garrett shifted to the end of the bed, "John's showed us what he's burning. Your turn."

"Guys!" I whined, "I really just…"

"No way man! You made John show his and he got all upset. You pretty much owe us some info!"

"Fine," I rolled my eyes. "I'mburninglaceynandi'ssextape."

"What was that?" Garrett asked, leaning in closer.

"I'm burning Lacey and I's sex tape," I whispered.

Garrett's eyes widened and he flew off the bed. "You're burning WHAT?"

"Just shut up okay!" I screamed, "I don't want to fucking talk about it!"

"Oh come on man!" Garrett exclaimed, "I mean, I know you guys slept together BUT YOU FILMED IT!"

"It was a mistake!" I yelled, "I was…upset Britta got married and Lacey and John had broken up. We were both single and depressed…"

"And drunk." Jared added.

"Where is it?" Garrett's face lit up again, "I have to see this!"

"You're fucking kidding me!" I exclaimed, "you are not watching it."

"Oh come on! Lacey naked! I have to see this. 5 minutes please!" Garrett begged.

"Absolutely not!" I barked.

"3 minutes!" I shook my head. "2 minutes!"

"Garrett, you are not watching it! It's going in the fucking fire and no one will ever watch it!"

"Oh I will!" Garrett ran for my bag, "It's in here isn't it!"

"Stop!" I ran after him and tackled him to the ground.

"Too late!" Garrett held the DVD in its hard plastic case and stuffed it down his shirt.

"You fucking bitch!" I punched his arm and wrestled for the DVD.

Garrett scrambled away and pounced on the bed.

"Well good luck with that!" I yelled as I got up off the ground. "Since there's no DVD player in here!"

"Oh don't worry!" Garrett grabbed his bag and ran in the bathroom, "I brought my laptop."

"Ugh!" I grunted as I crawled back in my spot on the floor. This was just fucking great.

**Britta's POV-**

The movie was nearly over and Hawke was already asleep in my lap. My legs were tucked under my butt and I was starting to cramp.

"You can't be comfortable!" Eric slurred.

"I'm fine," I replied. "Sometimes uncomfortable situations can be forgotten when you love that person very much."

"I love you, you know that right Britta?" Eric asked.

"I love you too Eric," I replied, "but you're very drunk and don't know what you're saying."

"I know what I'm saying," he whispered, "I could never be drunk enough to forget I love you."

"That's…sweet," I smiled, "but you know we're not together right."

"I know," he shrugged, "it's okay though, cause sometimes it's okay to love someone when you're in love with someone else."

"Yeah, you're right," I shook my head.

"You loved Kennedy the whole time we were together huh?" Eric asked, his tongue tripping over every word.

"Not the whole time," I replied, "for a while I hated him. And I always loved you, very much."

"But you loved Kennedy more," he added.

"I don't know if I would say that," I replied.

"You don't have to say it," Eric shook his head, "I already know. I always knew."

"I don't want you to think I never loved you Eric, because I did. I loved you a lot more than I loved myself at one time."

"Wifey and Lovey," Eric chuckled, "well now you're Kennedy's Wifey. But who's Lovey am I?"

"You'll always be my Lovey," I whispered.

"No I won't," Eric argued, "but it's okay. Cause you're happy, right?"

"Right," I shook my head.

"Good," Eric smiled and leaned his head back against the couch. I grabbed the remote and turned the movie off. Lifting Hawke into my arms I slid off the couch and padded over to the stairs. Carrying Hawke to his room, I checked up on the boys. They were both sleeping soundly. Thank goodness.

I lay Hawke down in his racecar bed Kennedy had bought him and gently closed the door.

By the time I got back to the living room, Eric was nearly passed out on the couch.

"Hey Lovey," I said without regret. "You're kinda drunk, I don't want you driving home okay. You can stay here tonight it you want. The guest bedroom and the den are open."

"Did you say goodnight to Hawke for me?" He asked, ignoring my suggestions.

"No, I didn't. He was already sleeping but you'll see him in the morning."

"Okay," Eric replied and stretched out on the couch. "Goodnight."

I walked around the other side of the couch and pulled his vans off. Laying them carefully on the ground, I grabbed the blanket off the loveseat and draped it over my ex-husband.

"Goodnight Lovey," I whispered before kissing his forehead.

**Kennedy's POV-**

A few minutes went by and I already wanted to throw up. I couldn't believe Garrett was watching it. I didn't even want to watch it.

"Kennedy!" Garrett called as the bathroom door peeled open.

"What Garrett?" I asked without even looking up.

"I think you brought the wrong DVD," he replied, "you might want to come see this…"

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**Thanks for reading :)**


	5. Bella Italia

**Hola Lovey's. Here's your update!!! :)**

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**Eric's POV-**

"Where am I?" I grumbled as I woke up on the couch.

I reached up and rubbed my pounding head as I lay my feet on the ground. The living room surrounded me and I couldn't believe where I was. I had spent the night at Britta's house. I had slept on her couch. Our couch. At least it used to be. That couch held so many memories.

The morning her Target commercial was on. Hawke's first birthday party. The fights.

Oh the fights on this couch. So many led to so many break-ups and storm outs. Most of them were my fault and we weren't separated for too long. But when we were, it was bad. I missed her and she seemed fine. Everyone told me she was really breaking down inside, but always kept a smile. Who knew what could have happened if we had never gotten back together after each and every one of those fights. I hated thinking about it. This damn couch.

I got up and entered the kitchen. I almost forgot it wasn't mine anymore. But I pulled out a bowl and grabbed a box of cereal. I didn't think Britta would mind. I sat down at the table and began eating. My head was still a little woozy, but I figured it would ware off eventually. I couldn't believe I had gotten so drunk last night. What did I say? Did I try anything? Oh God, the last time I drank like that…Haley happened. I loved that little girl with all my heart, but sometimes I wished she was never born. That sounds terrible, but cheating on Britta was one of the biggest mistake's I'd ever made and Haley was my reminder, every day of my life.

I heard footsteps and tried to eat faster.

"Eric!" Britta called, obviously seeing the empty spot on the couch.

"I'm in the kitchen," I called back.

She walked in wearing a long sweatshirt and black leggings. Her black rimmed glasses sat upon her face, along with a confused grin. She always looked confused in the morning; I always found that cute about her.

"When'd you wake up?" she asked, shuffling over to the coffee maker. She didn't drink coffee much. Was she making it for me?

"Like maybe 10 minutes ago," I replied, "sorry I crashed here."

"Don't apologize," she smiled, "I wouldn't want you driving in the condition you were last night."

"How bad was I?" I asked, afraid of her answer.

"You were fine," she chuckled, "you told me you loved me a few times."

"Oh God, I did…" I took the last bite of cereal.

"Yeah," she sat down at the table, "it was cute don't worry. If you had gotten touchy I would've smacked you."

"I'm glad I didn't," I replied.

"Me too," she shook her head, "but it was fine. You were fine. Hawke really loved that you were here for movie night."

"It was fun," I laughed.

I put the bowl in the sink and asked if she wanted something to drink. Orange juice was my answer. I knew it would be. I pulled open the fridge and grabbed the carton of orange juice. I couldn't help but notice all of the veggies and fruit in fridge.

"Hey, what's with all the produce?" I chuckled.

"Oh that just from when I was pregnant," she replied, "I tried the whole vegetarian thing again, like we did when I was pregnant with Hawke. I got hooked."

"So you're like full veg now?" I asked.

"Good joke," she chuckled, "I just got hooked to the veggies, I could never give up meat forever."

I poured her some orange juice and placed the glass in front of her as the coffee maker beeped. I grabbed a mug and poured myself some. Just as I sat down at the table, Hawke came bounding into the kitchen.

"Daddy!" he exclaimed, "you're here!"

"Yeah buddy, I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye!" I wrapped him up in my arms and sat back down.

Britta's phone rang on the counter and she got up to answer it. "It's Kennedy," she announced. "I'll take it in the living room."

She walked out of the room and I asked Hawke if he was hungry. He shook his head no but I sat him down and opened the cabinets anyway. He was hungry; he just didn't know what he wanted.

After cutting up some apples and pouring him a small glass of cranberry juice I sat back down at the table and waited for Britta to come back.

She walked in with a depressed look on her face. I couldn't tell if she was about to scream or cry.

"Hey is everything okay?" I asked.

"Eric, can we go talk about something?"

**Lacey's POV-**

"Good morning," John cooed as I opened my eyes.

"Morning," I replied as I yawned.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked.

"Alright," I shrugged, "I'd sleep a lot better if we were married right now."

"We'll get married, don't worry. I'll figure this all out and we'll be married before you can say 'John I think I'm pregnant.'"

"John I think I'm pregnant," I replied.

His eyes got wide as he sat up. "Wait, really?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm late…"

"Oh my god!" John threw his arms around me and my words muffled into his chest.

"Don't get too excited, I don't know yet."

"I don't care, I'm just excited in case you are!" he exclaimed.

"What if I'm not," I replied.

"Well then we'll have to keep trying huh?" John teased as he kissed my forehead.

"I love you," I whispered before pushing my lips against his.

"I love you too," he replied as he kissed my nose.

I crawled out of bed and pulled John's boxers on. His shirt hugged me nicely and I twirled in front of the mirror.

"Do you think I'll be a cute pregnant girl?" I asked.

"You'll be a beautiful pregnant girl," John said, sliding off the bed. He pulled on his pajama pants and wrapped his arms around me in a backwards hug.

"I can't wait until you have my babies Lacey Monroe," he whispered in my ear.

The words sent a chill down my spine and I stepped away.

"What's wrong?" John asked.

"Nothing," I replied, "just a chill."

"No something's wrong," he shook his head. "Was it something I said?"

"No…yes. It's just, the way you said it. The way you were holding me. Just brought me back to old times and…just, someone said that to me before…"

"John?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied, "but it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not having his babies. My sister already did that."

"Is that the only reason?" John asked.

"God no!" I exclaimed, "I wouldn't take John back if we were the last two people on Earth. He has hurt me way too much and I'm so done being hurt. You could never hurt me John, it's just not who you are."

"Yeah. Lacey there's something I have to…" John began. Just then the phone rang and I raced to get it.

"Who is it?" John asked.

"It's a New York number," I replied. I thought for a second and then it came to me, "oh my god, it's Madison's school!"

"Hello!" I answered, hoping for good news.

"Hello Ms. Monroe, this is Jane from your niece's school. I got a message saying you called and I tried to catch you at a reasonable time. Our clocks are a little off." She chuckled and I smiled too.

"Hi Jane," I replied, "I was actually calling about Madison's teacher. It seems there was a mistake made and I really needed to get a hold of him."

"Madison's teacher? Ah yes, Mrs. Samson. You said there was a mistake made? Is Madison really not on vacation for the week?"

"Oh no, she's really on vacation I just really needed to speck to…wait Mrs. Smith? I thought Madison's teacher was Antonio Benicia."

"Oh yes. I'm sorry no one informed you of this, but Mr. Benicia's grandfather is very ill and he's gone back home to care for him."

"His grandfather?" I replied, "Where do they live? In New York?"

"No, Ms. Monroe. Antonio has gone back to Italy…"

**Kennedys' POV-**

"Hey Britta," I said once she answered the phone.

"Morning baby," she replied, "how's tour going so far?"

"It's been fine," I replied, "there's something I have to talk to you about though."

"Okay," I replied, "is something wrong?"

"I don't really know," I replied. "But I saw something last night."

"What'd you see?" she asked, sounding more and more confused.

"Well you know how the first night of tour is burn night? Well I brought something I was going to burn…"

"What'd you bring?" she asked.

"I actually, I thought I brought Lacey and I's…you know."

"You thought?" she repeated.

"I actually grabbed the wrong disk," I explained, "and I saw something and I have to ask you about it."

"Oh my god," she whispered, "Kennedy what did you see?"

"I saw you. Having sex. With John Gomez."

And then she hung up.

**Britta's POV-**

"Eric wait!" I exclaimed as he slammed the door behind him. I couldn't believe the John tape had come back to bite me.

A long while ago, Eric and I were separated and John and Lacey had broken up. I was still pissed at Lacey for what she had done and Eric was getting fed up. After Kennedy showed up at our house to apologize and I let him in, Eric stopped trusting me all together. He said we were done and I was upset. I wanted to do something that would really hurt Lacey. Killing her was too extreme. So instead I called John. We went to a movie, talked and got a little drunk. He was feeling good, I was feeling good and one thing led to another. Revenge sex had never felt so sweet. I was planning on mailing Lacey the video, but I knew that was a bad idea. All it had to do was fall into the wrong hands and my career, and marriage, would be bruised forever. I hid the DVD and John and I both agreed on acting like it never happened. I couldn't believe this bloated booboo had floated to the surface.

***

After dropping Jack and Fletcher off and Kennedy's mom's house and Hawke with Dana I flew over to John and Lacey's. Lacey's car wasn't in the driveway but I hoped she was home anyway. We had a lot to talk about now that this secret was out.

I knocked on the door and was greeted by a very distraught looking John. He didn't say a word but let me in.

"Is Lacey here?" I asked.

"No, she's on her way to the airport. She's getting a ticket to Italy." He explained.

"Italy!" I exclaimed, "why is she going to Italy?"

"Guess where her husband is?" he lowered his brow and I already knew.

"Oh God!" I whispered, "he's in fucking Italy!"

"I don't know what we're going to do," John sighed. "This is fucking crazy."

"I'm sorry to say but I have more bad news," I replied.

"What's up?" John asked.

"Kennedy called me this morning and told me something we're both going to regret," I replied.

"What happened?"

"It's the tape John," I replied, sitting on the couch. "Kennedy took ours instead of him and Lacey's and he knows everything."

"Everything?" John exclaimed.

"Well not…everything," I replied.

"He watched it?" John asked. His face was starting to turn red. All he needed was more bad news.

"I know he watched it, but I didn't stay on the phone long enough to find out why."

"I can't believe this," John shook his head.

"I told Eric," I finally admitted. John's eyes widened as he flew off the couch.

"You told Eric!" "I had too; he was sitting in my kitchen!"

"Did you tell him…you know about Jack?" John asked, "does he know…he was…mine?"

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**Thanks for reading! :)**


	6. Swifty we regret

**Hope you enjoy! This is the beginning of something very new, and I'm so excited for you to read it!! :)**

* * *

**1 month later…**

**Britta's POV-**

"I'll take a water thank you," I replied as I handed the drink menu back to the waitress.

"I'll have lemonade," Taylor smiled as the waitress sauntered away.

"Okay," she turned to me, "what is so important you came all the way to LA to bother me about."

We sat in a quaint café in downtown Los Angeles. Paparazzi buzzed around us outside the windows and I fought the urge to flip them off. I fiddled with my fork and then looked up at Taylor. Her long blonde hair was all pulled over covering her right shoulder and she wore a light blue and grey flannel shirt. Just looking at her I could feel the jealousy oozing out of my pours. I remembered back to how nervous I was to meet her years earlier, and now she was one of my closest friends.

"So how are things?" I asked her, avoiding the subject.

"Things are good," she replied, "getting ready for tour, so I've been busy."

"Yeah," I shook my head, "sounds fun."

The waitress brought our drinks and asked if we were ready to order. I asked for a turkey wrap, while Taylor got a chicken salad sandwich.

"How are the boys?" she asked me, once our orders were taken.

"They're good," I replied, "Hawke's at Eric's mothers and the twins are with Kennedy's brother."

"Can't believe you got away to Los Angeles without any of them," Taylor giggled.

"No, everyone knew I had to get away."

"What do you mean?" Taylor asked.

"After everything that happened, I needed like a mental break."

"Britta, what happened?"

**Lacey's POV-**

My first time in Italy, and I couldn't even enjoy it. I gripped the annulment papers I'd received from the town hall in my right hand and Antonio's address in the other. The bus ride had already lasted about 20 minutes and I had no idea where I was going. Italy was beautiful though, I couldn't believe I was here.

"Excuse, excuse!" I heard someone calling. "Ma'am!" I looked up and met eyes with the bus driver.

"Yes?" I replied.

"This is where you get off," he pointed towards the street and I stood.

"Oh, okay. Do you know where Antonio Benicia is?"

"No," he shortly replied and turned back around. Thanks a lot.

I stepped off the bus and coughed as it kicked up dirt driving away. Slipping my bag over my shoulder I started towards town and looked for anyone that might be able to speak English.

A small market sat to my left and a woman at the counter caught my eye. She was undeniably beautiful and had Antonio's eyes. I stepped inside, well…under the cloth roof, and approached the counter.

"Hello, do you speak English?" I asked.

"Si," she replied. Soon she giggled and shook her head, "sorry, yes I do. Can I help you?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, "I was wondering if you knew where this address was?" I showed her the piece of paper and she read the scribbled words.

She looked up at me, looking almost confused, but also relieved in a way. Tossing her apron on the floor, she yelled something in Italian I didn't understand at a young boy sitting across the market and came from around the counter.

"I'll take you right there," she replied, grabbing my hand and leading me outside. As soon as we stepped out into the sun her glossy black hair revealed streaks of lighter brown and different shades of burgundy. She had high cheek bones and perfect pink lips. Brown sugar skin coloring and eyes that knocked me off my feet. I had just met her, but I felt as if I'd known her my whole life.

"So how to do you know Antonio?" she asked as we approached a villa.

"It's a long complicated story," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"I've got time," she smirked and I began to explain.

"Well Antonio was my niece's teacher and he was in the States on a temporary visa. When his time ran out…"

"You married him so he could stay in the country," the woman finished my sentence.

"Yeah," I shook my head, "how'd you know?"

"Antonio's told me all about you," she chuckled, "he said you were very beautiful, I wasn't expecting such a…such a…babe."

"Well thanks," I replied, feeling flattered as ever. "I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."

"It's Sophia," she replied and pushed her bangs out of her face.

"So how do you know Antonio?" I asked her.

"I'm actually his sister," she replied, "so I guess that means you're my sister too."

"I guess so," I replied, a little crestfallen. "I'm Lacey by the way. Lacey Monroe."

"Lacey Benicia I think you mean," Sophia winked and led me inside.

"Oh right," I shook my head.

"Antonio, you have a visitor!" Sophia yelled into the back room.

"Sophia, stop yelling. Nonno dorme..." He noticed me and stepped closer into the room.

"Your wife's here," Sophia sing-songed.

"Lacey, how did you find me?"

"Madison's school told me you came back to Italy to take care of your grandfather and…"

"Antonio!" I heard a weak voice call and Antonio turned to leave. "I'm sorry Lacey, one second."

"It's fine," I replied.

"Here, you can put your bags in my room," she led me down a short hallway. Their house was very beautiful, and obviously quite old. It held so much history.

"What's that in your hand?" She asked, referring to the annulment papers.

"Oh nothing," I replied, "just some tourist information." I shoved the papers into my bag and stepped into the room behind her.

"So Lacey," Sophia inquired as I set my bags down, "why did you really come all the way to Italy? Cause I'm guessing you're not in love with my brother."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, I noticed you have a tattoo of the name John on your hip…" she pointed and I looked down. I didn't realize my shirt was short. I tugged it down and slightly pulled up my jeans.

"John is my boyfriend's name," I replied.

"You have a boyfriend, and you married my brother?" Sophia chuckled, she loved this.

"I married Antonio so he could stay in the country; I've always been in love with John," I explained.

"I understand," Sophia shook her head, "so what's going to happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"What's going to happen when you fall in love with my brother?"

"What are you talking about?" I chuckled but Sophia kept a straight face.

"You're serious?" I replied, "Sophia, please don't take this as any offense, but I couldn't love your brother. I'm in love with my boyfriend John. That's why I'm here!"

"You're halfway around the world because you love your boyfriend?" Sophia wrinkled her brow.

"John and I are getting married, but I can't. Antonio never signed the papers…"

"So problem solved, Antonio sings the papers and you get to go home and marry John and live happily ever after, right?"

"Right," I shook my head.

"Whatever you say, Lacey Benicia…oops I mean Lacey Monroe, or wait…what's your boyfriend's last name?"

"Gomez," I replied. "John Gomez."

"Someone should probably tell him to start searching for a new wife," Sophia sighed.

I laughed it off and followed her out of the room, "Whatever you say Sophia; I'm not going to fall in love with your brother."

"Okay, I'll remember that." Sophia pretended to write the words into the air. "Can I quote you?"

"Quote me!"

**Britta's POV-**

"Britta what happened?" Taylor asked again, after I failed to answer the first time.

"I did something terrible," I replied.

"What did you do?" she begged.

"I slept with someone," I answered, hanging my head low.

"Britta you didn't!' Taylor exclaimed.

"I did," I began to tear up; "It was a mistake!"

"How did this happen?" Taylor asked in shock.

I looked at her, then my wedding band. "It was a mistake and now I don't know what to do."

"Britta I just don't understand!" Taylor exclaimed, "How could you cheat on Kennedy!"

"He was dead!" I exclaimed.

"He _was…?_"

**Thanks for reading :)**


	7. Day 1

**You'll never believe this... ;)**

* * *

**Britta's POV-**

"Okay," Taylor sighed as we sat down at the table in her apartment. "I'm all ears. Tell me everything."

"There's so much to tell," I admitted. I was shaking inside and out and Taylor could tell. She wanted to help, and that's why I had come, but I just didn't think she could understand.

"It's easy," Taylor cleared her throat. "Start at day 1…"

**Day 1-**

The tour had been going on for a few days and I still hadn't talked to Kennedy. Just knowing he had seen John and I's tape made my stomach turn. I hoped he knew that didn't happen when we were together. I couldn't handle losing him. He was all I had. He was everything and a mistake I made years ago, wasn't about to take him away.

I sat on John and Lacey's couch and stared into space. John brought me a glass of water and plopped down next to me.

"You need to eat something," he warned, "you're gonna get sick."

"I'm not hungry," I replied, "I don't deserve to eat. I'm a terrible person."

"Britta!" John exclaimed, "It happened, it's over. You didn't cheat on Kennedy. If you talk to him and explain everything he won't be mad. You know he won't!"

"But Eric! He hates me. It happened when we were together!"

"Eric doesn't matter!" John nearly knocked the water out of my hand and he lunged forward, "It has nothing to do with Eric!"

"But it does!" I yelled back, "Hawke is his son! We were together when it happened. I hurt him. It has everything to do with Eric."

"Listen to me," John retorted, "Eric is not your husband anymore. Kennedy is and you haven't talked to him in days. So what he saw the tape? What's he gonna do about it?"

"I don't know," I cried, "That's what I'm scared of."

I heard footsteps bounding down the stairs and I quickly wiped my eyes. I didn't want Lacey to suspect anything. We still hadn't told her about the tape. It wasn't worth it. She didn't deserve to get hurt.

"Alright guys," Lacey chirped, "I'm picking Madison up at camp and then we're off to New York. I'll call you when my flight takes off. It should be a few days."

"Okay," John stood up and wrapped her into a hug, "be safe and let me know how Italy is."

They shared a passionate kiss and hugged once again. Lacey noticed my silence and rubbed my shoulder.

"Don't worry Britt," she sighed, "Kennedy'll be home soon and everything will be fine."

She must have thought I was upset because of the tour. At least she didn't suspect anything.

"Thanks Lace," I replied, no longer afraid to show my tears, "have fun in Italy."

"Oh I will," she rolled her eyes and grabbed her bag. "Bye guys."

As soon as the door closed I burst into tears again. John came over and pulled me into his arms.

"Britt, really, everything's going to be fine." He rocked me slowly back and forth, "what are you so worried about?"

"What Kennedy's going to think," I replied, "Eric never talking to me again."

"Oh come on Britt," John replied, "Kennedy won't care, I'm telling you. And really? Who gives a fuck about Eric?"

"I do!" I shouted, "I can't have Eric hating me."

"Why would he hate you?"

"Oh maybe because I slept with you…"

"When you guys were broken up!"

"Barely," I replied.

"So what? He can get over it!"

"Oh really, John? He can just 'get over' the fact that the baby I lost wasn't his. He can just get over it?"

"Why couldn't he?" John asked.

"Because John, what I did-it's unforgivable."

"I don't think that at all," John scoffed.

"You would think that," I mumbled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" John replied, sounding confused at the least.

"You don't get it! It's not okay what I did! I basically cheated on him and got pregnant!"

"Kinda like what he did to you," John reminded me.

I couldn't respond. He was right. Eric had done even worse to me. At least we were broken up when it happened. He slept with Leanne when we were still together. All because he thought I was cheating on him with fucking Gaskarth. Good joke. Even Lacey didn't sleep with him.

"I'm telling you Britt, what Eric thinks doesn't matter."

"But what Kennedy thinks does," I replied.

"Then talk to him!" John shouted. "You haven't in days!"

"What if he doesn't want to talk to me?" I silently cried.

"Britt come on; this is Kennedy. I don't think that man could ever not want to talk to you."

"He could after what I did," I replied, "what if he thinks I'd do that to him!"

"He won't think that!" John exclaimed, "and you know what, so what if you do! He did the same thing to you."

"And I took him back!" I yelled, "I gave him another chance. He's giving me a chance and I feel like I already blew it!"

"You didn't do anything to Kennedy," John shook his head, "and you couldn't. I know you guys, and there's no way either of you would let something get in the way."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because, I see the way he looks at you. It's the same look he had 6 years ago when you guys came back from LA. Do you know what he told me at John's house?"

"No what?" I asked.

"When you got up and went to the bathroom or wherever you went, Kennedy turned to me and at first was speechless. Finally he said 'I can't believe I found someone like her. I haven't even known her 4 months and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her.'"

"He said that?"

"Yes Britt," John exclaimed, "Kennedy has been in love with you since the moment he saw you, and something stupid like this isn't going to stop that. I promise you."

"Okay," I shook my head, "I'll call him."

I dialed in Kennedy's number and waited for him to answer. After ringing 5 times his voicemail picked up. _"Hey you've reached Kennedy. Leave a message…"_

**Kennedy's POV-**

I woke up to the sickening smell of smoke and blood. My eyes burned and my throat felt as if I'd been swallowing cigarettes all morning.

I tried to sit up but my leg pulsed in pain.

"What the fuck!" I exclaimed, my voice distant and smoky.

"Kennedy, you're awake!" I heard a voice call to me.

"Where the fuck am I?" I replied, trying to make out the face.

"We're in some underground thing," the person I now knew was Garrett explained.

"Why the fuck are we in here?" I asked.

"We don't know," a groggy John Ohh replied. Half of his face was covered in a black sot and his right arm was tucked up tight to his chest.

"What happened to you?" I asked.

"A board fell on me," he replied raspily, "I almost didn't fucking make it in here."

"What is here?" I pleaded.

"The bar," Pat yelled across the room, "we're underneath the bar!"

"But why?" I shouted.

"Kennedy you don't remember?" Garrett asked.

"No, I obviously don't!" My leg burned and I screeched, "What the fuck! What's wrong with my leg?"

"You probably got burnt," Pat replied.

"How the fuck did I get burnt?"

"I can't believe you don't remember," John shook his head.

"Remember what?" I exclaimed.

"The venue, Kennedy! It caught on fire when we were playing. I'm guessing it was some electrical shit. We barely made it into this fucking room before the flames spread throughout the whole floor.

"How long have we been in here?" I asked.

"I don't know," Garrett shook his head, "I can't remember much."

"Where's Jared?" I asked.

"He's over here," Pat pointed towards a spot around the corner, "he hasn't woken up yet."

"We have to get out of here!" I exclaimed.

"Good luck," Garrett replied, "the doors sealed shut. John and I have been trying for hours."

"Well someone call someone!"

"No one has their phone," John explained.

"So we're just stuck," I exclaimed.

"Well do you have an idea of how to get out?" Garrett inquired.

"No! But I know we have to get out of here. We're going to starve, or-or suffocate."

"Good thinking Kennedy," Pat shook his head, "well when you come up with an idea to get us out of here, let us know."

**Britta's POV-**

I tried Kennedy's phone one more time before John and I left to pick up Hawke at Dana's. Jack and Fletcher were staying at Kennedy's moms with Byron for a few more days.

"No luck?" John asked as we piled in the car.

"I keep getting his voicemail," I replied.

"Maybe he's on stage," John shrugged.

"It'd only be like 3 o'clock in Florida right now though. They wouldn't be on stage."

"Sound check?" John suggested.

"I don't know," I replied pulling out of the driveway, "I'll try him again later."

"Good idea." John turned on the radio as we accelerated down the street.

We got to Dana's and I noticed Eric's white Toyota in the driveway. Great.

"You're gonna be fine," John assured me as he noticed my worried expression.

I nodded and headed towards the front steps. Maybe Dana had borrowed Eric's car, maybe he wasn't here. I knocked on the door and waited for a response.

"Come in!" I heard Dana yell and I pushed open the door. I stepped in with John close behind and met eyes with Dana who was sitting on the couch. Hawke was…in Eric's lap in the recliner.

As soon as he saw John his jaw instantly tightened and he let Hawke slide off his lap.

"What are you doing here?" He barked.

"I just came with Britta to get Hawke, I don't want any trouble man," John replied.

"Well that's too bad," Eric snarled, "because you've got some fucking trouble."

"Come on, you're really going to start this after all these years?"

"You started this, the moment you decided to sleep with my wife!"

"Here's three words!" John exclaimed, "GET. OVER. IT."

"Fuck you!" Eric yelled.

"Hey, we've got a baby in here," Dana exclaimed, "your baby!"

"My baby? How do I know he's even mine?' Eric yelled, "he's probably yours."

"Oh Eric don't!" I shouted, "don't even try and deny Hawke. You know he's your son!"

"You know what Britta, I don't know anything anymore. I got you all wrong; I thought you were so much better than that. I was wrong. You hated Lacey for what she did, and you did the same damn thing."

"Kinda like what you did to me huh? How Kennedy did it before you?" I exclaimed, "looks like people fuck up in this world huh? Yeah, think before you speak ass hole."

"Just get out," Eric shouted.

"I will!" I grabbed Hawke off the floor and apologized to Dana.

Just as I turned to leave my phone rang. I handed Hawke to John and pulled it out of my pocket.

"You can't hold my son," Eric lilted, "give him to me."

Eric ripped Hawke out of John's arms as I answered the call.

"Is this Mrs. Brock?" the voice asked.

"Yes, this is she. Can I ask why you're calling?"

"Ma'am, I happen to have some bad news…"

John snatched Hawke back, "dude you need to chill."

"Fuck you," Eric replied. He pulled Hawke back to him and I watched as my son grew closer to the verge of tears.

"Eric stop!" Dana yelled. She stood up and grabbed Hawke.

"Everyone in the band is believed to have perished in the fire," the voice explained to me. "The club is still being investigated, as to what started the fire and the possible cause, but for now, no survivors, except for many in the crowd, were reported."

"What?" I exclaimed in shock. "He's gone?"

"I'm very sorry Mrs. Brock…"

"You're lying!" I yelled into the phone. All the commotion around me stopped as my knees buckled and I fell to the floor. I began to dry heave as I hung up the phone.

"No! No! No!" I shouted over and over. "It's a joke, it has to be. No!"

Eric and John came running over and Dana comforted Hawke on the couch.

"Britta what's wrong?" Eric demanded. I screamed and Eric pulled me in.

"What happened?" John shouted over my cries.

"It's Kennedy," I whispered.

"What about him?" John exclaimed.

"He's dead! They're all dead!"

"What?" Everyone yelled at once.

"The bar caught on fire and they died. They're all dead."

I cried harder into Eric's chest and him and John just stared at each other. Dana fell back on the couch and began to cry too. It felt as if the world had stopped. My heart had stopped. My breathing had stopped. I had died along with Kennedy. I had no more reason to live.

**Thanks for reading! :)**

**Reviews would be lovely!**


	8. What Kennedy wants

**You might want to get out your tissues guys... ;')**

* * *

**Day 15-**

It was weird. To feel nothing. There was no hurt, or pain. Just nothing. I was drowning in my own body and I was okay with it. I wouldn't talk or eat. I hadn't talked to my own son in over a week. I didn't want to talk to anyone, for that matter. I wasn't Britta anymore. I was a widow. I was empty. And I had given up.

Clutching the letter, I sat in bed and felt as the world moved around me. It was terrifying to think about. The world was spinning and alive, while everything around me was standing still.

I heard a knock on the door but didn't bother to look up.

"Britta," a voice called to me.

"Britta's not here right now, leave a message after the beep," I mumbled.

"Come on Britt, you've been moping in this bed for two weeks. You need some fresh air."

John stepped in the room and sat down on my side of the bed. I remained in Kennedy's and didn't move. In fact, I didn't think I could move.

"What's fresh air? Never heard of it."

"Alright Britt, enough. You need to do something…anything than sitting in this bed. Kennedy wouldn't want you to waist your life…"

"Kennedy wouldn't want? You have no idea what Kennedy would want!" I exclaimed.

"Oh I don't?" John replied. "I know he wouldn't want you cooped up in this room, while your son is staying at his aunt's house for the past two weeks crying for you."

"He doesn't understand."

"No, you know who doesn't understand? Your sons, Kennedy's sons! Jack and Fletcher, remember them? Yeah, they need you…and you need them. They're Kennedy Britta, or what you have left of him. Don't abandon your last part of Kennedy you have."

"I'm not abandoning them John," I spat back, "they don't deserve a mother like me. A mother that doesn't even say goodbye to their father before she'll never see him again."

"You didn't know that then! And you hate saying goodbye, that's just you. You've never been able to handle separation, but you know who could? Kennedy. He could leave for a year at a time and never crack, because he knew that'd he'd have someone who loved him more than anything to come home to."

"Well now he has nothing to come home to," I murmured, "because he's never coming home."

**Lacey's POV-**

Sophia sat me down at the kitchen table while Antonio tended to their grandfather. She offered me coffee but I declined. I could have really gone for some of John's iced tea at that time.

"So how'd you meet my brother?"

"He was my niece's teacher," I replied, "Madison really liked him. She'd come home every day and talk up a storm about her 'amazing teacher' and how she never wanted to go up to 5th grade."

"He has that affect on people," Sophia rolled her eyes.

"Your brothers a great guy," I replied, "he really is."

"I know," Sophia laughed, "I pretty much figured that out when he came all the way back home just to take care of Nonno."

"Yeah," I shook my head, "why doesn't he just go to a hospital?"

"He doesn't believe in them," Sophia replied, obviously mocking her grandfather's odd belief. "Something about when he was younger his uncle went to the hospital and died. He thinks t was the hospitals fault. Truly, his uncle was quite the drinker."

"Liver failure?"

"Nope, lung cancer. I guess Uncle Angelo was quite the smoker along with his drinking."

Antonio entered the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of red wine out of the fried.

"Toni, it's noon!" Sophia exclaimed.

"You want to take care of grandpa?" Antonio replied, pouring himself a glass.

"Nope, that's your job!" Sophia giggled.

"All day I have to hear 'Uncle Angelo was as strong as a bull, he goes to the hospital and he's dead. That won't be me.'"

I snorted quietly as Sophia excused herself from the table.

"I have to get back to the market. I'm sure Milo is already swamped."

"Milo?" I asked.

"My son," Sophia replied, "he's manning the store while I'm up here. You'll get to meet him later."

"Oh cool," I shook my head, "Tell him I said hi!"

"Will do," Sophia headed out the door and Antonio joined me at the table.

"So, Lacey Monroe, why did you come all the way to Italy?"

"Well actually…"

"Antonio!" a weak voice called from the other room.

"I'm coming Nonno," Antonio rolled his eyes, "want to come with."

"No, I don't want to…"

"Come on," he waved me in, "he won't bite."

Giving in, I got up from the table and followed Antonio to a secluded room. I stepped in and met eyes with an aged version of Antonio.

"Who is this?" he asked Antonio is a thick Italian accent.

"This is Lacey, Nonno. The girl I told you about. The one from America."

"Come here," he waved me in just like Antonio just had in the kitchen and I stepped up to his bed. He lightly grabbed my hand and kissed it softly.

"I'm so glad to have finally met you," he said. "Antonio, she is beautiful."

"Thank you," I replied, my cheeks reddening.

"No, thank you. Thank you for making my Antonio a happy man. I'm so glad I finally got to meet the wife of my grandson."

Awkwardly I pulled my hand back and instantly felt bad for coming in the first place. I shouldn't have come all the way to Italy for him to sign the damn papers. I should have waited until he came home and mailed them to him. I was too forward. I had to work on that.

"Uh, Nonno. Lacey is just here for a little visit and then she's going back to the States. She really wanted to meet you."

I shook my head in agreement and backed away from the bed. "I hope you feel better soon, uh Nonno."

"Thank you dear, but I am strong. I will be better. Especially now that I have my grandson to take care of me. He's a good man Lacey. He knows how to care for people. He will make a good father, no?"

"I'm sure he will," I replied. My throat was feeling tense. I couldn't do this. It was too hard.

"I'll be right out Lacey," Antonio said, motioning for me to leave the room.

"Okay," I shook my head and left the bedroom. Leaning my back against the wall I let out a sigh and rubbed my temples. All I wanted was to talk to John. He was probably sitting at home right now, waiting for me to come back with the signed papers. The papers! I ran to the guest room and reached into my bag. They were a little crumpled but still presentable. I read them over a few times and stared at Antonio's empty line next to his name.

"Lacey!" Antonio called to me. Soon he was standing in the doorway and I shoved the papers back in my bag.

"What's up?" I replied, breaking a sweat.

"Nothing," Antonio suspiciously replied, "I have to go to town to get Nonno some more milk and fruit. Do you want to come with me?"

"Uh, sure," I replied. I followed him out of the room and closed the door behind me. I had to get those damn papers signed before it was too late.

**Britta's POV-**

I folded the letter into a half and placed it neatly on the nightstand. John had convinced me to get something to eat with him, just to get out of the house. The outfit he picked out for me was laid across the end of the bed and I quickly tossed the shirt back in my closet. There was no way he was getting me out of Kennedy's favorite Third Eye Blind shirt. He'd have to pry it off my cold dead body.

Dead. Kennedy was dead. Just thinking about it sent a chill down my spine and I collapsed on the bed.

"Hey hey!" John came running in, "you're not giving up now, you were almost out of the room."

"Fuck it John, I'm not going!"

"Yes you are!" He grabbed my wrists and pulled me up until we were facing. "You're getting out of this house; it's for your own good."

"No I'm not!" I yelled.

"Yes, the fuck you are!" John tossed me back down and began to pull my silky pajama pants on.

"Well, this is quite familiar," I sarcastically exclaimed.

"Oh shut up," John joked. "Here." He tossed me the skin tight jeans and I threw them on.

"Now fix your hair and you'll be almost presentable."

"Oh thanks," I rolled my eyes and slumped off the bed. Messing with my hair, I brushed it out of my face and stared at my reflection. I looked half dead and half crack addicted.

"John, I don't think I can do this," I finally admitted.

"Yes you can, and you will. You're going to starve to death if you don't get out of this room!"

**Kennedy's POV-**

"We're going to starve to death if we don't get out of this room!" I exclaimed, banging on the door.

"We have plenty of food," John replied, popping a salted peanut in his mouth.

"Yeah, and what happens when we run out?"

"We eat you," John replied, shooting me a look.

"Ha fucking ha," I replied, "I can't fucking believe this."

"Dude calm down," Garrett sighed, "we'll get out of here."

"And what if we don't?"

"Then we'll die then!" he exclaimed, "what the fuck do you want me to say!"

"I don't know," I yelled, "maybe, 'everything will be fine, Kennedy. Someone's probably looking for us right now, Kennedy. You'll be home to Britta in no time, Kennedy'"

"Well I can't say that Kennedy, because I don't fucking know! You don't think I want to get out of here? You don't think I want to be here when Rachael gives birth to my child? Yeah, we're all stuck here Kennedy. We all have things we want to get home too, not just you."

"I'm not saying that asshole!" I exclaimed, "I'm saying we need to do something that will get us the fuck out of here!"

"Well swearing and yelling isn't going to get us out of here, Kennedy!" Pat exclaimed from across the room.

"Whatever Pat…"

Soon I heard a ringing and I stopped talking. "Does anyone else hear that?"

"Yeah!" Garrett exclaimed, "it sounds like a phone."

"It's coming from over here," Jared exclaimed, reaching behind a large storage cabinet.

"Can you reach it?" I asked, crawling over to the tall structure.

"Almost," Jared stretched his arm and pulled out the tiny piece of plastic.

"It's my phone!" he exclaimed.

I shuffled over and started at the melted mess. The screen was so distorted you wouldn't recognize it was a phone. All the buttons were missing and the back had fallen off.

"I can't answer it," Jared frustratingly exclaimed as he punched at the phone.

"Try!" Garrett advised.

"Oh good idea Gar, too bad I didn't think of that," Jared mumbled as he threw the phone across the room. "It's no fucking luck, that phone is so fucked."

"Great," I huffed, "our only way out and we can't even fucking answer the phone."

**Britta's POV-**

"Gimmie that," I begged as John pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"No way Britt, I'm not letting you smoke."

"Why the hell not?" I exclaimed, "I can smoke if I want to."

"No you can't! I'm not going to let you kill yourself!"

"Why does it matter?" I cried, "Kennedy's dead, what's my point in living."

"Listen to me Britta, as your friend, I'm telling you, you gotta snap out of this."

"You're not my friend John," I coldly replied.

"How can you say that?" he exclaimed, "I'm doing this because I'm your friend."

"Doing what? Not letting me smoke? Oh thanks friend, appreciate it."

"Britta seriously, Kennedy wouldn't want this. He wouldn't want you to let yourself die just because he's gone…"

"You don't know what Kennedy wants!" I finally yelled.

"Really?" John exclaimed, "then what the fuck does he want."

**Eric's POV-**

"Britta!" I called into the dead house as I walked in. She must've been in her room. I climbed the stairs and pushed open the shut white door. To my surprise, Britta wasn't there.

I stepped in and started towards the bathroom. "Britta, it's Eric. I'm just checking in on you." I leaned against the bathroom door and called in.

"I've been really worried about you. Dana says she hasn't seen you in a few weeks and Hawke's been asking for you. If there's something you need to talk about I'm always here, you know that right?"

With no response, I pushed open the door and once again found no Britta.

"Great," I mumbled to myself. "I've just been giving a sympathy talk to a toilet."

I padded over towards the bed and picked up Britta's glasses case that had been knocked on the ground. I placed it back on the table and noticed a folded up piece of paper. Curiosity got the best of me and I decided to take a peek. I sat down on the edge of the bed as I quietly read the note out loud.

"_Hey Britta, I know it's been a while since we talked but I decided to write you this, I'm not sure if I'll ever send this, but I had to get it down on paper. There's something I have to confess._

_Back in July I told you something that wasn't true. It was something that I knew was going t end what we had and that's why I told you. I told you I had slept with Gabi…and that was a lie. I never slept with her; in fact I never came close. We met up at the mall and I followed her out into the parking lot, but that's as far as it got. We talked a little on the way to our cars but nothing happened, not even a kiss._

_I'm sure you're wondering why I lied to you about this and it can be summed up into two simple words. Eric Halvorsen. I'd always suspected that you guys had some weird connection but I always thought nothing of it. But as I watched you grow up before me, I watched you grow closer to him. Soon you were spending more time with him than you were with me, or the band or anyone for that matter._

_But no matter what, I loved you and I knew you loved me too. But you were falling in love with someone else and I didn't know what to do. I panicked. I thought proposing to you would make you fall back in love with me but I knew I'd feel guilty. I would have known that I had just done it to prove we were still "us" instead of doing it because I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you. And honestly, I could say right now that I could. But I was never sure about you. The girl I met in California was terrified of falling in love and I knew it. You were young and excitable and all I wanted was to be "that guy" for you. I knew that you had just gotten your heart broken by that Wiley guy and I wanted to protect you from hurting again. But as I did that, I stopped protecting myself._

_Falling in love with you was one of the best things that ever happened to me, but watching you fall in love with someone else was I pain I'll never forget. And it's not your fault because I wasn't always the best boyfriend. I know I have my anger issues and it wasn't fair to you. Eric was always there when I wasn't, and that's no one's fault but my own. _

_I thought going on Warped would change everything, but then Rocket signed on and I'd never seen you more excited in your life. You'd get to spend all summer hanging out with Eric and then band, and I got to spend all summer watching him and you have the time of your lives. At first I was angry, but I couldn't be after a while because you never left my side. I could just look into your eyes and have some hope that'd we'd never end. And then my aunt got sick, and I had to leave tour. I begged you to come with me, but Eric begged you to stay. You chose him. And from then on, I knew you'd always choose him._

_So instead of getting hurt I chose to lie and hurt you. It was wrong and stupid and I fucked everything up. I made a name for myself that I could never erase but it didn't matter. I knew that if you didn't have me to hold you down, you'd be able to find what made you happy._

_July 12__th__, I woke up at 1 am. You were gone and I knew where you'd be. For a while I just lay there but then I got up. I looked out the window and I watched as you and Eric pulled out of the parking lot. That's when I knew you were gone. I'm sorry I chose to hurt you the way I did, but I did it and I can't take it back._

_Just know that all I wanted was for you to follow your heart and I knew eventually it wouldn't lead you to me. I wanted you to be happy. That's all I ever wanted. Eric makes you happy, I see that now. Thank yo u for everything you brought to my life. I'll never forget you._

_-Kennedy_


	9. Love Actually

**Sorry it took so long for an update guys! hope you enjoy :)****Lacey's POV-**

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**Day 20-**

"Why are you wearing a winter shirt?" Antonio teased.

I looked down at John's torn flannel shirt over my black tank top and played with them hem.

"This isn't a winter shirt," I replied.

"Lacey, it is nearly 90 degrees and you're wearing an insulated shirt," Antonio laughed and picked up a small shovel.

"If you really think I'm going to get heat stroke over this damn shirt…then I guess I'll just have to take it off. Won't I?"

"I guess so," Antonio weakly replied.

I slowly unbuttoned John's flannel and let it fall off my shoulders. I knew the black tank top wasn't covering much, but that was half the fun. I caught Antonio steal a glance at me and he swallowed hard. Okay, this was too fun. I bent over and picked up the bucket that I'd be collecting the vegetables in and flipped my hair. He was going to cream in his pants soon if I didn't tone it down. I loved this game.

I looked over at him as we walked farther into the garden and studied his outfit. I pointed out that he was wearing an over shirt too.

"Well if you took your off, looks like mine's going too." Antonio grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head. Underneath he was wearing a tight white tank top over his chiseled chest. I could count his abs through the thin material. He was good at this game.

**Britta's POV-**

I threw myself on the bed and felt my head slowly stop spinning. I didn't remember much from last night. Ever since the realization of Kennedy being gone finally sunk in, I'd been drinking a lot. I had gone to the bar at around 10 last night and called John around 3. I crashed at his house and he had brought me home a few minutes before. I still hadn't seen Hawke or the twins.

I crawled up to the top of the bed and melted into Kennedy's side. Everything on the nightstand was exactly how he left it, well except for the letter.

I was going through Kennedy's things in the back of the closet after I found out about the fire. I wanted to make sure I'd have enough things to remember him by. I needed some proof that he actually existed. I found that letter balled up in a pocket in one of his old tour bags. I sat in the closet for an hour reading it over and over, and every time it didn't make any more sense than the last time I read it.

He had never cheated on me. I couldn't believe. But he told me he did. And Gabi…she. Wait. Gabi never admitted it. She knew I hated her and I'm sure she hated me, but she never came out and said I slept with Kennedy. Oh my god. Maybe they really didn't sleep together! All these years I had believed a lie. A lie that hurt me, but was meant to protect me. Just thinking about it made my head hurt. Kennedy had lied to me so I'd break up with him and be with Eric. That's what he wanted. And stupid me gave him exactly what he wanted.

"BRITTTTTTTTTTTTTT" I heard someone monster call into my room.

"Who the fuck is in my house?" I yelled back.

"Only your bestest friend in the whole wide world," they replied, their voice sounding closer.

"Okay, could you be a little more specific," I asked.

"It's Jess, dumbass." Her familiar voice filled the bedroom as she strutted in the door way. She was wearing a tight red tunic and dark washed jeans underneath. Her enormous Prada bag covered nearly half her body as she sat down on the bed.

"Why are you on my bed, actually, why are you in my state?" I asked.

"Well honey, I'm on your bed because I'm your best friend and you need me right now. And do not play me sister, your state is Connecticut, you can't escape it."

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes, "what do you need?"

"I don't need anything," she shook her head, "but you need me."

"And how is that?" I asked.

"Well maybe the fact that your husband just died in a pretty tragic accident and if I'm quoting John directly, 'you're slowly killing yourself'"

"Fucking John," I whispered, "I told him to stop this, all of this. He thinks he can save me or something. I'm not dying!"

"Britt," Jess sighed, "John's really worried about you okay. Do you think if he wasn't he wouldn't call me? I flew all the way out here three days early just to come see you."

"Three days early?"

"I have a photo shoot for Hollister in LA on Saturday," Jess explained, "But I caught an earlier flight and came here to see you."

"So you're leaving in three days," I mumbled.

"Yeah, but no one said you can't come with me," Jess smirked.

"I can't do that," I replied, "I have to stay here."

"Why?" Jess asked.

"Because I just do."

"Kennedy's not coming back Britt," Jess timidly replied.

"I know he's not," I grumbled, "what do you want?"

"I want you to come out with me," Jess slapped the bed with her hand, "let's party or something."

"Party? While my husband is dead somewhere in Florida right now? Jess, you're insane."

"Fine we won't party, but we have a lot to talk about. So let's just go get coffee or something," Jess suggested.

"Fine." I slumped out of bed and basically crawled over to the bathroom. "I hope you know I'm only doing this because I love you, not because I want to do this."

"Good enough for me," Jess called back.

I hopped in the shower and let the water slowly begin to relax my anxiety away. The knots in my back began to loosen as I breathed in the hot air. I reached down to grab the body wash and knocked Kennedy's 'just for men's' with my hand. My throat began to bubble as I set it back up on the edge of the tub. I couldn't tell my tears from the steaming water but I knew I was crying uncontrollably. I couldn't do this. I grabbed the bottle and poured a palm full all over my body. It smelled just like him.

**Kennedy's POV-**

"I smell like shit!" I exclaimed as I daringly smelled myself.

"Well you only haven't showered in 2o days. No big deal," Garrett replied.

"Guys, we're never getting out of here are we?" Pat whined.

"We will get out of here Pat, I promise," John comforted him.

Pat was slowly getting more and more paranoid as each day went by. He had bypassed me about a week ago. I was still worried, but I had to hold onto some hope. Britta was probably a wreck right now and I know she wouldn't give up without a fight. She was probably looking for us right now.

**Britta's POV-**

"So what's been going on with you?" Jess asked as we sat down at the coffee shop.

"Not much," I replied, "dead husband. No big deal."

"I'm really sorry about that by the way," Jess lowered her head, "I know everybody's probably been saying that lately, but I really mean it. I'm sorry about what you have to go through."

"It's okay," I shook my head, "I've lost him before, I just have to get used to it permanently."

"I never thought it'd be Kennedy," Jess replied.

"What do you mean? That died?"

"No, I mean who you'd finally end up with. I mean, I know you loved Kennedy, but then you met Eric and everything changed. I thought you'd be with him for a long time before something happened like that."

"I don't know what you're saying," I replied.

"I'm saying that, I never thought Kennedy was ever really the one for you. But then you married him, after you married Eric. I just…"

"Jess, if you don't think Kennedy's the one for me, you don't know me at all."

"So you're telling me that you never for one second felt that Eric was the one for you?"

"Why do you keep pushing Eric on me?"

"Because Britt, I read that letter."

"You what?"

Jess nervously shifted in her seat, "the letter that was on the nightstand. Kennedy said that he told you he slept with Gabi because he knew you were falling in love with someone else. You started loving Eric before you stopped loving Kennedy…"

"I never stopped loving Kennedy," I interrupted her, "I never did, and I never will."

"Whatever you say Britt," Jess took a sip of her Japanese tea, "but what are you going to do now?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Kennedy's gone. Who are you going to be with now?"

"Jess, it's way too soon to be thinking about that. I just lost Kennedy, I can barely breath. Forget dating again."

"Well Britt, whatever you do, follow your heart okay?"

**Day 23-**

"Bye Jess!" I waved to her as she boarded her plane.

"Remember what we talked about," she called back, "follow your heart."

I left the airport and sat in my car for a few minutes just thinking. I knew what I had to do and what I wanted to do. And I knew they weren't the same thing.

Finally making my decision, I started the car and left the airport. It was about a 20 minute drive to where I was headed but I didn't care about time or gas. Or that fact that Kennedy's memorial service was tomorrow. I just knew that what I was about to do, was something that should have been done a long long time ago.

**Kennedy's POV-**

I tossed and turned on the cement floor but I had no luck with sleeping. My leg was burning and pulsing in pain and I didn't know how much longer I could take it.

"Kennedy, you alright?" John whispered.

"I'm fine," I sat up and noticed Garrett, Pat, and Jared had all fallen asleep. Why were John and I the only ones who could never fall asleep? It wasn't fair. I was exhausted and in pain. I just needed to get out of here.

"You know Kennedy," John began to ramble, "being in here has made me think a lot about like life and stuff, and what I want to do before I die."

"And what's that John?" I asked.

"Apologize to the person I love more than anything, and tell her how much I love her. And that all I want is to be with her."

"Well when we get out of here John I'm sure Carolyn would love to hear that from you…"

"I'm not talking about Carolyn," John whisper yelled.

"Well then who are you talking about?"

"Lacey."

"What?" I exclaimed. "John, the whole reason you're not with Lacey is because you love Carolyn."

"No, no, no." John waged his finger in the air, "the whole reason I'm not with Carolyn is because I love Lacey."

"John, why didn't you say this before? Then maybe…"

"Then maybe what? Lacey wouldn't be marrying John Gomez and Madison wouldn't be mine? We can't change things that already happened Kennedy. We can't just take it back."

"Why not?"

"Because it doesn't work like that Kennedy. I chose Carolyn and now Lacey's gone. I'll never be able to tell her all the things I want to tell her."

"Yes you will. Don't just give up John. I mean look at my situation! Britta and I were together for a whole year and she thinks one thing happened and it's over. And now four years later and we're back together happy as ever. You never know where life and love are going to take you."

"So what are you saying Kennedy?" John asked.

"I'm saying that once we get out of this damn room, I'm going to be with the love of my life and you're going to be with yours."

**Lacey's POV-**

"Where's Sophia?" I breathed as Antonio and I stumbled into the door. He pressed his lips to mine and breathed a "she's working." Before we even reached the bedroom my tank top was already on the kitchen table and Antonio's shorts were fully unbuttoned.

He threw open the door to the guest room and I kicked it closed behind me. Ripping the blanket back, all my belongings fell off the bed but I didn't care. Antonio tossed me on the bed and slowly pulled off my bra. I bit his neck as his hands wandered down my body and he began to pull off my shorts.

"I love you," I growled in his ear.

"I love you too, Lacey Benicia."

**Britta's POV-**

"I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here. And to be honest, I'm wondering the same thing…no I sound fucking retarded" I practice what I was going to say in the car as I sat outside the house.

"Okay, try again. 'I know we're not really friends and we never really got off to a good start, but I think we need to talk about something.' Yeah, that's good."

I heard my phone ring and interrupt me from my thoughts. I reached in my bag and pulled out the gyrating iPhone. Seeing who was calling, I sighed in relief.

"Hey John," I chirped as I answered the phone.

"Hey! Well you sound better," he laughed into the phone, "I just wanted to check up on you. I know Jess left today and I didn't know if you we're going to be okay."

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, losing your husband and then your best friend coming to see you and then leave."

"I'm fine John; I'm used to people leaving."

"I know, I know." He sighed, "I just want you to know that I'm not going anywhere, alright? I'm always here for you. I hope you know that."

"I know that John," I replied.

"I was thinking,' John began, "do you want to go to the memorial service with me? I know that sound dumb, like I'm asking you to a dance or something, but Lacey's not here and I don't want you to go alone…"

"I'd love to go with you John," I replied.

"Okay," he perked up, "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"See ya." I hung up the phone and placed the phone back in my purse. I took a few deep breaths and prepared myself. Getting out of the car, I rehearsed what I was going to say one more time.

I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer. I almost hopped she wasn't home, but I knew her car was in the driveway.

Soon the door slowly opened and I watched as her face turned as she noticed who it was standing at her door step.

"Britta?"

"Gabi, hi. I know we're not really friends and we never really got off to a good start, but I think we need to talk about something…"


	10. In Memory of Me

**It's almost overrrrrrrrr :) Hope you enjoy!!**

* * *

**Britta's POV-**

Dana was to my right, John to my left. I sat in the pews of the church as the pastor talked about the boys. The reality of Kennedy really being gone had settled in, but I still didn't want to believe it. I couldn't feel it. I was supposed to feel it. Like an army wife or something; their husband could pass away overseas and before anyone tells them, they just…know. Your hearts slows to a near stop and nothing feels real. They just know. Why didn't I feel like that? Why couldn't feel the end? Why did everything still feel real? I knew love was real. And Kennedy was real. And these feelings, all the feelings pulsing through me, they were real too.

"Let's take a moment of silence." The pastor bowed his head and I let mine drop as well. I could feel my hands begin to shake as I tried to inhale. Something was stopping my breathing. I wasn't choking, but I just couldn't inhale. I wouldn't let myself. John noticed my shaking hands and dropped his in mine. I looked up at him and he smiled.

"It's gonna be okay," he mouthed.

I didn't respond. I dropped my head back down and clutched onto John's hand. For some reason, it felt…okay, his hand in mine. I didn't mind that his palms were a little sweaty and that he had those dumb glasses on at a memorial service. He was 23 but was still in the mindset of an 18 year old. I loved that about him, his youth. He was like Peter Pan.

The pastor said his closing statements and everyone began to slowly get up from their seats. I stayed in mine, John still holding my hand. Dana sat up, with Hawke in her lap, and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"You gonna be alright?" she asked.

"I'm uh," I finally replied, "I'm fine."

"Alright, well I'm gonna get Hawke out of here. I think he's still a little tired and I don't want him to see you all upset."

"No it's okay," I shook my head, "he can come home with me."

"Britt, maybe tomorrow, but tonight I think you need a night to yourself. I mean, you're obviously still not yourself."

"Dana, really. I just want my son, I'm fine."

Dana got up and grabbed her clutch off the floor, "I'll call you tomorrow, Britt. All Hawke's stuff is at my house anyway. One more night won't be too bad, just relax tonight."

Before I could respond, Dana sauntered away and out of the church. The tears began to fall as I collapsed onto John's chest. He lightly kissed my forehead and began to rub my shoulder. We were still holding hands when he softly whispered, "come on let's go."

"She has my baby," I cried.

"She's taking care of him," John justified, "and she's right, you just need a night to yourself tonight."

"But I want my son," I replied, "It's not fair. My husband dies and I can't even see my son."

"I'm sure he would want to see you too," John urged, "but you just need to relax tonight. You've gone through a lot today. I mean, we're at Kennedy's memorial service. You can't be very…stable right now."

"Stable? You're kidding right? I'm fine John."

"Okay," John threw his hands up in defense and suddenly mine felt cold.

"Let's just go," I whispered as I sat up. As I left the church I watched as I passed my members of Kennedy and the rest of the bands family. Rachael stood, alone, at the end of the stairs pregnant and crying. I stopped midstep and just looked at her. She was so broken and I knew there was nothing I could do to fix this. I just stood there for a second until Jen walked up to Rachael and handed her a tissue. Jen looked up at me and her hazel eyes locked on mine. My best friend since I was 13 stood before me, a widow, and I had to go through it just the same.

I descended the stairs and stepped up to Rachael's side. Without a word I pulled her into a hug and we cried on each other's shoulders. Jen grabbed my hand and I squeezed. Pulling her into the hug, we placed out head together and simultaneously took in a deep breath.

"Look at us," Jen whispered, "this can't be happening."

"The baby's due next month," Rachael solemnly stated.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be," she shook her head, "I'm sure it's even harder for you. With the twins and everything."

"I'm alright," I shrugged, "they've been with Kenny's mom and Byron. I haven't seen them in a while."

"Why?" Jen asked.

"Well, I guess I'm on suicide watch or something," I half joked.

Rachael picked at her nails as Jen pulled out another tissue. "We should all really like get together or something soon." She suggested.

"Yeah, like a girl's day or something," I agreed.

"Sounds like a good idea. So like me, you guys, Tessa, Lacey…actually where is Lacey?" Rachael asked.

"She's in Italy," I replied, "Antonio never signed the annulment papers so she went over there to get him to sign them."

"And she hasn't come home yet?" Jens eye brows rose as she bit at her lower lip.

"She must've fallen in love with the country," I suggested.

"Oh yeah…the country," Rachael rolled her eyes.

**Lacey's POV-**

Sophia handed me my plate of different chesses and some bread. She sat down at the table across from me and poured herself a glass of wine.

"When's Antonio coming home from work?" I asked.

"Right now," she pointed towards the door just as Antonio stepped in.

"My beautiful Lacey," he smiled, "how was your day?"

"Just fine," I replied, "Sophia's been taking care of me. We went to the Trevi Fountain today."

Antonio set his wallet down on the counter and pried open the fridge. He pulled out a stick of pepperoni and prepared himself a sandwich.

"Oh really?" he began, "did you make a wish?"

"Yes I did," I replied.

"What'd you wish for?" he asked as he joined us at the table.

"I wished that I'd never have to leave," I answered.

Antonio chuckled and pulled me into a kiss.

"Oh come on, not at the table," Sophia joked.

Antonio pressed his lips harder onto mine and slowly pulled away whispering, "wish granted."

"What are you talking about?" I laughed, "I have to go home."

"Why?" he asked.

That was the first time I had thought of John in a long long time. The whole reason I had come over here was to get the papers signed so I could go home and marry John. But now that I was over here I never wanted to leave. I didn't want to annul our marriage…and I didn't want to marry John.

"I just have to," I replied.

"Give me one reason you have to go back home, Lacey Benicia."

That was it. I couldn't think of one. One single reason to go home. Not John or Carolyn. Or my parents, or anyone. There was no reason for me to go home. I was staying in Italy. Forever.

"Could you excuse me for a second?" I got up from the table and left Antonio and Sophia with confused looks upon their face.

I reached my room and dug in my bag for the papers. Grabbing the crumpled up documents I flipped the page and was surprised to see there was writing on Antonio's signature line. IN perfect cursive was written "I told you you'd fall in love with him. Welcome to the family."

Then I tore them to shreds.

**Britta's POV-**

We sat in John's car on the way home in silence. No radio. No talking. No breathing. I looked over at John and tried to think of something to say, but nothing would come up.

"So Britt," John began, "what are you going to do now?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean, it's like…you can start over. Kennedy's gone; don't you just want to get away? Forget about all this."

"I can't do that."

"Sure you can," John urged, "just throw a dart at a map and go. You can go anywhere you want, be anyone you want. You're Britta. You're amazing."

"You really mean that?"

"Of course I do," John exclaimed, "Britt, you're like…you're my hero. You've been through so much and you're still so strong. You've been going through shit that no one should have to since you were 18…and look how far you've come. I admire you."

"Wow John that really…that really means a lot to me."

"When Kennedy brought you home," John continued, "a long time ago, you were scared out of your mind. I could tell, and don't tell me you weren't because I knew you were. You were barely 18, across the country with a guy you just met. But you know what; you never stumbled or lost it. You just let it all go, and now look at you. World tours, three beautiful kids…"

"And a dead husband," I added.

"Okay, a minor setback," John replied.

I smacked his arm and let out a small chuckle. That was the first time I had laughed in a long time. It felt nice. Being with John felt nice.

"You're giving me too much credit, kid. I didn't do it all alone; I always had someone there to help me."

"Yeah, but who cares about them," John smiled, "they didn't sell your records, they didn't introduce you to Taylor Swift. They didn't give birth to twins!"

"Oh John," I rolled my eyes, "I love you."

"I love you too, Britt."

My visit with Gabi flashed in my memory and I went over our conversation over and over in my head.

"_Do you think you'll ever be able to fall in love like that again?" Gabi asked._

"_I think so," I replied, "I think I am right now."_

Then Jess's quality advice popped in my head.

"_Don't let this break you," she urged, "Keep pushing. Live life. Go to Paris. Fall in love. Whoever it may be…Eric, John…whoever, just follow your heart._

"No John," I finally breathed, "I really love you."

"And I really love you too," John laughed.

"John, you don't get it," I tried again; "I'm in love with you."

John stopped for a second and then put the hazards on. He pulled over to the side of the road and unhooked his seat belt. Turning and facing me he took in a deep breath and stared into my eyes.

"What did you just say?"

"I said I'm in love with you John," I replied, "and I don't know for how long I've been, but I am. I'm in love with you."

"Britt, I think this day has just been too much for you, you don't know what you're saying…"

"I know exactly what I'm saying John," I interrupted him, "I'm in love with you."

John sighed and pulled off his glasses. He rubbed his face as cars zoomed by us, nosily staring into the car. John hit his palm to the steering wheel and opened his mouth to speak, but soon closed it again.

"Are you going to say something?"

"I don't know what to say," John replied, "I mean; you're saying you're in love with me."

"Aren't you in love with me?"

"Britt, I love you...but Lacey…"

"Lacey? You're kidding me right? How many times has she fucked you over? You know in your heart she's still in love with John Ohh. She'll never be over him."

"Oh really Britt, cause he's dead."

"And Lacey doesn't even know! Because she's over in Italy, probably jumping Antonio's bones."

"Don't say that!"

"Why? You know it's true! Don't get mad at me for actually speaking the truth. I'm being completely honest with you right now John, and honestly, I'm in love with you."

"Would you stop saying that?"

"Why? Does it bother you? I'm in love with you, John. I'm in love with you, John. I'm in love with you, John. I'm in love with you, John. I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, JOHN."

"Just stop!" he exclaimed.

"Just tell me you love me too!"

"Of course I love you," he yelled, "but I can't…"

"Yes. You. Can!"

Finally John loosened his muscles and sat back in the seat. "I knew this was going to happen."

"What?' I asked.

"I knew we were going to fall for each other," he shook his head, "I told myself it was going to happen."

"Well, we already had sex, so we skipped a few steps. Oh and we were technically parents too, so hell…we should just get married and call it the American dream."

"You are unbelievable," John shook his head.

"No, I'm in love with you. What's unbelievable is the fact that you haven't kissed me yet…"

Sighing, John leaned forward in his seat and reached out for my chin. He rested his forehead on mine and I watched as his finger tips began to shake.

"Just kiss me," I whispered.

John began to nudge his lips towards mine and I felt my whole body begin to tingle. His lips grazed mine and I pushed in closer. Suddenly a vibrating began in my lap and the car filled with This Century's "Money Honey."

Breaking apart, I grabbed my phone and read the screen. John leaned back in his seat, his cheeks turning red.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"Eric," I replied. Against my best judgment, I answered the phone.

"Hey Britt," he weakly said into the phone. "I'm sorry I left the service early. You just, you know how I am about like the emotional stuff."

"You should have to me you left," I replied, "I would have come out with you. I know you don't like getting emotional in front of a lot of people, but you hate being alone more."

"You're right," he replied.

"So what's up?" I asked.

"Nothing, I was just wondering if you wanted to come to my parent's house for dinner tonight. Dana's going to be there with Hawke and I think it'd be nice that you got to see him… and my mom's wanted to see you."

"That's sounds great," I replied, "but one thing, could I maybe bring John?"

"John Gomez?"

"Yeah," I replied, biting my lip.

"Oh uhm, you know what, if you want to do it on another night you're free that's fine…"

"No, no, it's okay," I stopped him. "I'll be there…alone."


	11. I Envy you 2

**Alright guys. Be prepared. Some shits about to go downnnnnn. I promise ;)**

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**Britta's POV-**

Eric picked me up around and brought me over to his parent's house. After John dropped me off I had a little time to myself to clear my head. I couldn't believe I had told him I was in love with him. I was sure I was, but I still shouldn't have told him. He was still in love with Lacey and Kennedy hadn't been dead that long. My head and my heart were confused and I shouldn't have just thrown my feelings on John like some infectious word vomit. He obviously felt that same though. He said he did. Or atleast I thought he said he did. And he almost kissed me. If Eric hadn't called he would have kissed me, and who knows what would have happened.

We pulled into the driveway and Eric jolted the car to a halt. Looking over at me he slightly smiled and tried to read my expression. I didn't know if I should pretend I was happy to be here, or just go with the flow. I loved Eric very much, and of course I wanted to see Hawke, but every minute I spent in that car and the minutes I'd spend inside that house, only made my heart ache for John.

"You ready?" Eric asked as he unlocked the doors.

"As I'll ever be," I replied, "are you sure your mom wants to see me?"

"Of course I'm sure," Eric shook his head, "why wouldn't she?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe the fact that we're divorced. And I haven't talked to her in years. Oh and don't forget that my son has been living with her daughter because I 'went off the deep end'"

Eric chuckled to himself and shoved his keys in his pocket. Timidly, he reached for my hand and looked up into my eyes.

"Britt, you have nothing to worry about. My mom doesn't hate you. Us getting divorced was a big mess, and my fault. You know that. And my mom knows that. My mom also knows that at one time we were crazy in love and she loves you for that. She loves how you changed me. Hell, she owes you one."

"Eric," I rolled my eyes, "I didn't change you, you've always been 'Halvo'. God that sounds weird calling you that. But anyway, you, my friend, changed me, I can't take any credit for you."

"Of course you can," he smiled, "trust me, love changes people."

A few minutes passed by as I tried to convince Eric that I had no help in the person he was today. He wouldn't take any of it. He kept insisting that I was the reason he stopped drinking so much, and that he all in all became a better person. Truthfully, I wasn't the person he talked me up to be. The whole time we were together I was still deeply in love with Kennedy and we both knew it. And I kissed Brian, Brian Dales for God's sake. I slept with John Gomez, just to piss off Lacey, not caring about what Eric would think of it.

I was tired of having to live up to this image of the wonder girl, or the hero. I was about to retort with a snappy response putting myself down, and then I thought of what John had said. He told me I was his hero because I had gone through so much and stayed strong. That was the biggest lie I'd ever heard. I wasn't strong, I wasn't even stable. I was confused and lost and hurt and slowly going insane. All I wanted was to be with John. He was my oxygen, he was a fucking drug I had grown an addiction too. And I never thought of Kennedy once. I wasn't a hero.

"Come on, let's go in." Eric hopped out of the car and I let out a deep breath before I popped open the door.

"What are you so scared of?" Eric asked as we made our way towards the front porch of The Halvorsen home.

"I'm not scared," I replied, "I just think I should go home and get my shield for all the knives that are going to be thrown at my tonight."

We stepped up to the door and Eric shot me a "you've got to be kidding me" glance.

"Look," he began, "there's going to be no knives thrown, no yelling, no fighting, no…"

"Britta!" Eric's mom threw open the door and smiled wide.

"Hi, Mrs. Halvorsen," I replied with fake enthusiasm.

"Come in, come in," she waved us inside and the scent of apple pie filled my nostrils. The hominess was starting to comfort me but I was still not at ease. Who knew if with that smile came a stab in the back when I wasn't looking.

"What's for dinner mom?" Eric asked.

"Your favorite," she replied, "Chicken, mashed potatoes, veggies…anything you want."

"Sounds awesome," he kissed her cheek and threw off his jacket.

"Eric and Britta get your butts in the living room!" I heard Dana call to us. I smiled at Eric's mom and ventured farther down the hall until I found the living room. An array of Hawke's toys were scattered across the floor as he sat next to Dana on the couch. He looked up at me and opened his mouth to yell.

"Hi Hawke," I cooed as I stepped into the poorly lit room. As I entered the living room and got the entire space in full view I noticed someone in the corner of the room.

A small brunette sat in a Winne The Pooh chair chewing on a ring of plastic keys. I knew exactly who she was as soon as I saw her. She was about three years old with light golden brown hair and Eric's beautiful hazel eyes.

"Haley," I whispered.

"Oh Britt," Dana began, "I'm sorry no one told you she'd be here. Leanne had to work tonight so Eric said he'd take her a day early."

"It's okay," I nodded, not paying attention to what she was saying.

The tiny beautiful toddler looked up at me and smiled. She looked me up and down and I couldn't almost see in her eyes that she already knew who I was. She was so innocent and graceful, it was almost hard to believe that she was the reason Eric and I'd marriage ended. It wasn't her fault, she was just a child, but her life represented the end of an era. That was a lot for a three year old to carry around.

I knelt down in front of her and she reached out her hand. "Hi Haley," I whispered, my voice sounding deranged and tearful.

"Gah," she replied and tossed the saliva soaked keys on the ground.

Without thinking, I reached out and swooped her up into my arms. She gave me a weird look, but soon wrapped her arms around my neck. I hugged her little body and slowly spun in a circle.

She didn't know why her life was so detrimental to mine but she did know that I just needed a hug. Sometimes I think children are better at reading people than adult psychologists.

"Hawke's been telling his little sister about his cool mommy all day," Dana finally admitted into the silent living room, "he told her that'd you'd just love her, because you love everyone. He said you're his favorite mommy."

"I'm his only mommy," I winked at Hawke as I paced over to the couch.

"Haley was very excited to meet you," Dana added.

"I can't believe it's been three years," I breathed.

"It's been the longest three years of my life." A voice came from the door way and I looked up. Eric's eyes were locked on Haley and I slowly began rubbing her back.

"She's beautiful Eric," I replied, "she's just beautiful."

"Thank you," he shook his head, "come on everyone, dinners ready."

He walked away from the door way and Dana shut off the TV. Hawke bounced out of the room and I got up from the chair.

"He thinks it's the coolest thing in the world ya know?" Dana softly chuckled, "Having a little sister. He really loves Haley, for now. I'm just worried about later when they grow up and realize who each other is…and what happened."

"They'll be fine," I shook my head, "They'll know the truth sooner or later and when they do, they've got quite a few parents to explain what happened."

"You're right," Dana agreed. We began heading towards the dining room when she stopped and turned to me.

"He regrets it, ya know." She looked at Haley in my arms and swallowed hard. "He loves her more than anything and she's just as important to him as Hawke, but he regrets it. He always will."

With that, she turned and emerged into the dining room like nothing had happened. Of course I knew he regretted sleeping with Leanne, but he couldn't take it back. And Haley was a beautiful little girl who had two great parents who love her unconditionally. I just wished things had happened differently.

If I had never gone to LA, Eric wouldn't have thought I was cheating on him with Alex. And if Eric had never gone to Boston, Sam wouldn't have told him that Alex was my "cheat on my husband" guy. Eric would have never slept with Leanne and she would have never gotten pregnant. Haley would have never been born and Eric and I would have never gotten divorced. Kennedy and I would have never gotten back together and the twins would have never been born. And Kennedy wouldn't have gone on that damn tour and he would have never died. And I wouldn't be standing here right now, holding Eric and Leanne's child, while Kennedy lay dead in Florida somewhere, and I wouldn't be in love with John Gomez.

But none of that could happen. Because I did go to LA. And Haley was Eric and Leanne's child. And I was in love with John Gomez. And Kennedy was dead.

**Kennedy's POV-**

I hadn't slept in days, I couldn't. My eyes burned, my head was pounding, I could barely feel my limbs. But worst of all. My leg hurt constantly. There was no position I could put it in that stopped the pain. The feeling of fire was pulsing on my calf 24/7.

"Kennedy seriously what the fuck is up with your leg?" John asked, as I tried to rub it once more.

"I don't know," I replied, "it just fucking hurts."

"Is it broken?" Garrett asked.

"I don't think so."

"Try and stand on it," Pat suggested.

I bent my left leg and braised myself on the wall. My right foot touched the ground and at first I didn't feel any pain. I stood completely still for a minute waiting to see if anything would happen. Finally I tried to take a step. I lifted my right foot and pushed off the wall. Carefully, I stepped down and a shock of pain sent up my leg. I screamed and fell to the ground with a loud "thwack!"

John crawled over to me and helped me sit up, "dude are you alright?"

"I'm fine but, I think I heard something," I replied.

"Hurt something?"

"Heard!" I reached down towards my leg and began to feel around. "It sounded like plastic hitting the ground, didn't it?"

"I didn't hear anything," John wrinkled his brow.

"I did," Pat exclaimed. He crawled over and helped me lift my pant leg. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Be careful," I warned, "I don't know how burnt up my leg is."

"It's not," Pat replied, once my pant leg was up all the way.

"What are you talking about?"

"Kenny, your leg it's self isn't burned, but there's something burned to it."

"What?" I exclaimed.

"It's a..." John began.

Pat's eyes got wide as he reached for my leg, "It's a phone!"

**Britta's POV-**

After dinner, Eric's parents went in the kitchen to put the leftovers away and Dana started on the dishes. Eric and I sat in the living room while Hawke and Haley played with his toys on the floor. Eric's mom brought us each a cup of coffee and I thanked her.

"So what did I tell you," Eric smirked, "no knives right?"

"Right," I chuckled, "tonight was fun, thank you. I needed a night like this."

"I'm glad I could help," Eric took a sip of his coffee, "Today was kinda a bummer day and I didn't want you to have to spend it alone."

"It's been hard," I admitted, "but I think I'm going to be…" Before I could finish my sentence my phone began to ring and I wiped it out of my pocket.

"Who is it?" Eric asked.

"It's a text," I replied.

"From who?"

"John."

I looked down and read the screen. All that sat before me were three words. Three small words I never thought I see in a text from John. I read them once, twice, three times. Before Eric starting getting suspicious.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah everything's fine," I replied. I looked down at my phone and again and read the words once more. In bold text font read **I love you.**

"Eric, I uh, I have to go." I hopped up off the couch and placed the coffee mug on the table.

"Wait, what's wrong?" Eric shot up with a confused expression.

"Nothing wrong, I just, I have to go."

"Britt, you don't have your car. I have to bring you home," Eric placed his coffee down and grabbed his keys. "You're sure everything's okay?"

"I'm fine, I promise." I kissed Hawke goodbye and yelled into the kitchen "thank you for dinner."

"Britt, can you slow down!" Eric yelled after me as he grabbed his coat, "where are we even going?"

"My house," I replied, "just take me to my house."

We took off down the street and I quickly texted John back. "What's with the sudden change of heart? Meet me at my house in 5."

He responded with an "I'll be there." Eric looked over at me as I shoved my phone back into my pocket.

"Look Britt, whatever's going on you can tell me."

"There's nothing going on, I just need to talk to someone."

"You can talk to me," Eric replied, "about anything, really."

"Eric, trust me. If there was something wrong you'd be the first person I come to. But this, this is different."

"How different?"

"It's just, different."

We pulled up in front of the house just as John turned into the driveway. He slid out of his car and closed the door behind him. Before Eric even came to a full stop I jumped out of the car and ran over to John. For a second we just looked at each other. Finally he spoke.

"I've been driving myself crazy all day telling myself that it couldn't happen. We couldn't happen. But I couldn't tell myself that I wasn't in love with you. Because I am. I'm in love with you Britta. And that's why I texted you. I didn't know what else to do. I'm sorry if I interrupted your dinner. And if you and Eric are going to try and work things out again…"

"Just stop," I whispered.

"Stopping now."

I stepped forward and grabbed for John's hand. "I don't want anyone else but you," I whispered as a tear fell down my cheek.

John pulled me in and I cried on his chest. I heard Eric calling for me behind my back but I didn't care. I had John and that was all I wanted.

"John," Eric yelled, "is she okay?"

"She's fine," he called back. "She's perfectly fine."

**Kennedy's POV-**

I sat there in astonishment and stared at the phone that had melted onto my leg. It must have been in my pocket when we were playing. I forgot that my right pocket had a hole in the bottom. When the fire started it must had slipped through and stuck to my leg from the heat.

Pat carefully flipped it open and examined the screen.

"It looks like it still works," he exclaimed, "but if we take if off Kenny's leg, it'd probably hurt…a lot."

"I don't care," I mumbled, "just get it off."

"Are you sure?" Pat asked.

"I'm sure."

John crawled over and held my hand as Pat began to slowly peel the phone off my charred flesh. I screamed louder than I think I had ever screamed in my life. The pain was so intense I couldn't feel my finger nail dig into John's hand. He winced in pain, but took it. Soon the phone was off my leg and Garrett wrapped my burning calf in water soaked bar rags.

"You're gonna be alright Kenny," Garrett assured me.

"Does the phone work?"

"I think the battery's dead," Pat replied, examining the phone.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Jared exclaimed.

"Jared!" Pat yelled.

"What? What did I do?"

"Your phone," Pat shuffled over to him, "where is it?"

"Over there," Jared pointed towards the corner.

Pat hurried over and grabbed Jared's melted phone. "Kennedy what kind of phone do you have?"

"An envy 2," I replied.

"Jared, what kind of phone do you have?"

"An envy 2…"

"Oh my god," Garrett exclaimed.

Pat threw the back off of Jared's phone and knocked the battery out into his hand. Taking the back off my phone he placed Jared's battery in and said a little prayer. Pressing the power button we waited for any type of response.

Soon the sound of the powering up music played throughout the entire room. It was the most beautiful song I'd ever heard.

**John Gomez's POV-**

I woke up in Britta's bed at around 3 AM with surprisingly no one next to me.

"Britta," I called out.

"I'm over here," she weakly responded.

"What are you doing?"

"I couldn't sleep," she replied.

I crawled off the bed and joined her at the window. It was pouring out and the only light source was the moon rays that splattered across the glass on the fallen drops.

"It's raining," she hauntingly stated.

"That's weird," I replied as I pulled the curtain back, "it never rains here. I'm pretty sure that's like geographically impossible."

"Do you love me John?" she asked.

"Of course I love you," I replied. Gently grabbing her side, I moved behind her and kissed the back of her head.

"What's going on in there?" I asked.

"Nothing," she replied, "can you just tell me you love me."

"I love you," I whispered, "come on let's go back to bed."

She turned and faced me. Her eyes were damp and her whole body was shaking. She pressed her lips to mine and wrapped her arms around my chest.

"Okay beautiful," I chuckled as she pulled away, "let's get some sleep."

"I don't want to sleep," she whispered. She pulled me into another kiss and began tugging at my shirt.

"Whoa, hold on." I grabbed her hands, "are you sure you're ready for this."

"What's there to be ready for?" She breathed, "we've already done this."

"But not like this," I shook my head, "not after everything happened. Not like how we are now."

"In love?" She grabbed for my shirt again and I kissed her forehead.

"Britt, just promise me you're ready for this again. All of it."

"I promise."

Giving in, I kissed her soft lips and backed us towards the bed. She pushed me down and crawled up my body but before she even touched me she stopped. She just stopped for a second and seemed to breath it all in. I rubbed her side with my thumb as she closed her eyes.

Then she kissed me. And then we made love in the rain. For the second time.


	12. When Kennedy came home

**You guys...you have no idea. Enjoy :)**

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**Britta's POV-**

I woke up the next morning with John at my side and I smiled at his sleeping frame. Leaning in, I kissed his shoulder blade and pulled the blankets up to my chin. After a few twitches he finally woke up and turned over.

"Morning," he raspily whispered. Scooting in closer, he pulled me into his arms and I whispered a "good morning" before nuzzling my head into his chest.

"You feeling alright?" he asked into my hair.

"I feel perfectly fine," I replied. "Why wouldn't I?"

"No reason," John shook his head, "can you believe it rained last night?"

"It was coming down so hard it woke me up," I replied.

"I wondered why you were up," John chuckled, "you were just staring out the window."

"I was thinking."

John rubbed my back as he inched his face closer to mine. I could see the flecks of gold in his beautiful eyes right before he kissed my forehead.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked.

"Just everything. Kennedy being gone, the kids, Eric, you…"

"I see," John cleared his throat, "so was it good thinking or bad thinking."

"A mixture of both," I replied as I shrugged under the covers, "I mean, Kennedy being gone is terrible but there's nothing I can do to bring him back. And then I think about the boys and how he's not going to be there for their first birthday. They're never going to know him, John."

"I know." He stopped rubbing my back and pulled me in a little tighter, "It does suck, for you and the boys. But you said it yourself, there's nothing we can do to bring him back. He's gone."

"I know, I know." I shook my head and fought the tears; I didn't want John to think I didn't want to be with him because I still missed Kennedy. He probably knew I'd always love him, but I was falling in love with John and I never wanted to stop.

"So after all this," John began, "how'd you end up with me?"

His pursed lips and soft expression sent a wrath of heat down my body right then and there. I could feel his hands on my back and all I wanted was to lay in his arms forever.

"I ended up with you because you're the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me," I replied, "you're my John now."

John smiled and pulled me into a kiss. Our legs tangled up in the blankets as he pulled me on top of him. My lingering lips made their way to his neck and I lightly bit him right where I had last night. He let out a small moan under his breath and I moved to a new spot. John's eyes were squeezed shut as I moved down his body. It was a little early in the morning to be exploring each other's bodies like this, but I didn't care. Just as I reached John's hip line, I froze as the sound of my phone ringing filled the bedroom.

"Oh my fucking god," John breathed a sigh. I giggled as I crawled back up his body and lay a kiss on his lips.

"We'll finish this later," I cooed as I reached for my phone.

I grabbed the gyrating iPhone and checked the screen. It was a number I didn't recognize, but who knew who would be calling me with my job. I clicked answer and lay down on my side.

"Hello," I answered.

"Hello, is this Mrs. Brock?" the voice asked.

"Yes, this is she," I replied, a little confused.

John draped his arm around me and slowly began kissing from the top of my ear to the nape of my neck. I softly giggled under my breath but tried to listen to the voice on the phone.

"Well hello Mrs. Brock, this is Sharon from Florida State hospital, and I happen to have some great news."

That's when my heart stopped. Florida state hospital? The venue Kennedy was in the burnt down was in Florida. My mid started to race and I tried to conjure up a response. John, still obvious to the conversation, continued to kiss down my shoulder.

"Good news?" I replied.

"Yes, Mrs. Brock, I'm happy to tell you that Kennedy is alive and well. It seems the men were locked in an underground storage unit that was hidden by the rumble and remains of the fire."

"How did they get out?" I asked.

"They found a phone; I believe it was melted to your husband's leg. He has quite a mark where the phone was, but he is very much so alive."

"He's alive?"

"He's alive, Mrs. Brock. They should be flying home as soon as they're discharged from the hospital. Everything will be taken care of for them and their families. I'm sure everyone needs some time after everything that happened. I'm terribly sorry for the miscommunication, but I've never been happier to deliver news like this before. Would you like to talk to Kennedy?"

"Talk to Kennedy?"

"Yes, Mrs. Brock. Would you like to talk to your husband?"

"No, no I'll see him when he gets home. Thank you." I hung up the phone and dropped it on the table. I turned over and faced John. His eyes were wide and I couldn't tell if he was breathing or not.

"He's alive?" he finally stuttered.

"He's alive," I whispered.

"What are we going to do?" John asked.

"We can't do anything!" I shoved the covers off me and hopped out of bed. Gathering all of John's clothes in a heap, I tossed them at him and then dressed myself.

"Britta what are you doing?" John asked, getting out of bed. He was still carrying the clothes I had thrown at him. Standing at the edge of the bed he watched me frantically get dressed and soon began to dress himself.

"Will you please talk to me?" he begged.

"What John?" I snapped, "what do you wanna talk about?"

"Maybe the fact that you just found out that Kennedy is alive? That's a big deal, I mean; he's coming home soon isn't he?"

"Yes," I shook my head, "so you have to leave."

"I'm not going anywhere until we talk about this."

"Talk about WHAT?" I screamed, the tears starting to burn down my cheeks.

"What this means for us!" John stomped over boomed the words at me.

"There is no us!"

"Well just about five minutes I was 'your John'" he replied, "what about that?"

"It was a mistake John, we aren't anything," I coldly replied.

"We were something last night," John argued, "when we slept together, three times."

"It was a mistake…"

"No, Britta. One time is a mistake; we made 'a mistake' two years ago. Last night was the farthest thing from a mistake."

"John, just go."

"I'm not going anywhere," John shook his head, "this is ridiculous. We're in love."

"I don't love you John."

"Stop lying to yourself," John cried, "you know what we had. You know how I felt. How _you_ felt. I love you."

"John, I can't love you okay. My husband is coming home today; the husband I thought was dead for the past month."

"And you're just going to pretend like none of this ever happened?" John whimpered.

"All of what? I don't remember anything happening," I replied.

"Really? You're going to do this? Okay, that'd fine I'll leave because obviously you're not the girl I fell in love with. This is the old Britta, the Britta that was so terrified of getting hurt she never let anyone in. Let me know when the girl I fell in love with comes back."

John stomped out of the room and I already started to miss him. "John wait," I called after him.

"What?" He reentered the door way and stood before me. His hands were shaking and his chest rose and fell overtly through his chest. I looked him up and down and felt my heart melt. I did love him, but I couldn't let him get in the way of what Kennedy and I had. He was too special to me to just let go.

"I'm sorry," I finally whispered.

"Sorry for what?" John muttered.

"I'm sorry I can't be Lacey."

John's face fell as soon as I said her name. We just stood there for a second, looking at each other and deep breathing. I looked over at the night stand and noticed John's phone. Pacing over, I grabbed it and handed it to him.

"Don't forget this," I whispered.

"Thanks," he cleared his throat and stuck his phone in his pocket. "I uh, I wasn't trying to replace Lacey with you. I know you won't believe me but I really am in love with you. And I don't know if I'm going to be about to just stop."

"You'll find a way," I mumbled as I walked back over to the closet. "It's not as hard as you think."

"You don't what it's like," John shook his head, "having to fall out of love with someone because you're not good enough. I already had to go through it once; I didn't ever think I'd have to go through it again. Especially not with you."

"John, don't you ever tell yourself you're not good enough," I replied through gritted teeth.

"Well obviously I'm not, since you're just dropping me like yesterdays fucking garbage."

"Kennedy is alive John! I didn't expect him to just pop up out of nowhere. He was dead, I was finally coming to terms with it and he's alive. I'm sorry if that means we have to stop what was going on between us John, but I have to be with Kennedy."

"You don't have to be with anyone," John replied.

"No you don't understand, John. Kennedy is my husband, he's my whole world. And now…he's alive. I'm sorry, but I can't be with you. I can't be with anyone but Kennedy."

"We'll see," John mumbled as he marched out of the room. This time, I didn't call after him.

I stood patiently at the door not knowing whether I should go outside and greet him or wait until he came inside himself. I watched as he grabbed his things out of the back of the van, which I had no idea how it got back to Arizona, and say goodbye to John. After the van pulled away he turned around to face the house and just stopped. He stopped and took a deep breath. I could imagine what he was thinking, "I can't believe I'm home" and honestly, I couldn't believe he was home either.

As he walked closer to the steps the more anxiety spread up my body. I contemplated hiding and pretending I wasn't home until I knew what to do, but I figured that wasn't a good idea. One step. Two step. Three steps. He was on the porch. Our eyes met before he even stepped in the door. He smiled and my heart started to slow. Dropping his bag, he pulled open the door and without a word threw me into a hug.

I hadn't hugged him in so long it felt foreign, but I had never wanted to never someone go so badly in my life. He cried. I cried. My head over his shoulder, his head over mine. Standing in the middle of the foyer, not caring about anything in the world but that fact that we had each other.

"Don't you ever go to Florida without me ever again," I warned as I laughed through my tears.

"I promise you, you'll never have to go through that again," he replied. He nuzzled his face into the space between my neck and my shoulder and gently kissed my warming skin.

"I missed you so much," I whispered.

"I missed you more than words can describe," he replied.

"When they called me and they said…they said you were dead I-I lost it. I didn't know what to do."

"I'm sorry you had to go through all this," he whispered, "I'm sorry we didn't get out fast enough."

"Don't apologize!" I exclaimed, "this is no way your fault. They should have been looking for you a lot harder than they did."

"I know," Kennedy shook his head, "but we're safe now and that's what matters."

"What matters is that I have my husband back," I said before pulling him into a kiss.

"I'm glad I'm back. I missed this place. Did anything exciting happen while I was gone?"

Dozens of things flew through my mind of what I could tell him that had happened. I could be honest with him and tell him that I had fallen in love with John. Or that I went over to Eric's parent's house for dinner. But instead I chickened out.

"Uh, yeah. Lacey went to Italy."

"Oh cool," Kennedy shook his head, obviously uninterested. Phew, I was still safe.

We stood there in the living room for about another hour, both of us afraid to move. I was terrified that if I let go, he'd slip away again and I couldn't handle that. I just couldn't go through losing his all over again. I missed his kiss more than anything and it never felt more beautiful. It was like my first kiss all over again. I hugged him tighter and tighter and he never complained. He just rocked me back in forth as we cried for a little longer. I had run myself dry.

"Where are the boys?" Kennedy asked.

"Hawke's at Dana's and Jack and Fletch are at your moms," I replied.

"Why are they there?" he asked with a confused expression.

"I uh, well after I uh, thought you were dead I kinda gave up. On everything. They took the kids until I was ready again. It's like they had me on suicide watch or something."

"I'm sorry," Kennedy lowered his eyes and kissed my forehead, "well as soon as I change let's go get the boys okay?"

"Okay," I shook my head and started to walk towards the stairs, still holding onto my husband. Kennedy stopped walking and gave me a "you're kidding me right" look.

"I promise I'm not going anywhere, Lovey. You can let me go."

The words buzzed in my head for a second and I closed my eyes. "What, what did you just call me?"

"I called you 'Honey' Britta, I always call you Honey," Kennedy replied.

"Oh right, I'm sorry. I thought you said something else," I replied, letting go of Kennedy's sides.

"Alright, well you sit tight. I'm gonna go change and then we'll go okay?"

I shook my head and took a seat on the couch. I tried to ignore the fact that Kennedy had just called me Lovey, but he said he called me Honey. Was my mind playing tricks on me?

Not but two minutes after I sat down on the couch there was a knock on the door. I figured it was someone coming to visit Kennedy knowing that they all came home today. I hopped off the couch and called out "one second." I reached the door and smoothed out my shirt. It was tear stained and wrinkled from all the return home hugging, but I didn't care.

Pulling open the door I expected to see either Moose, or Byron, maybe I would have even settled for Gabi, rather than who was standing at my door.

"John, what are you doing here?" I whisper-yelled.

"I needed to talk to you," he exclaimed.

"Talk to me about what John?"

He started to step inside and I closed the door a little farther, "John what do you want?"

"Just let me come in!" he shouted. Sighing, I pulled open the door and he stepped inside. "Make this fucking quick," I warned.

"I just want to know where we stand," he admitted, "I just need to know if we're ever going to have something like we had for the past few days."

"John, we cannot and will not ever have what we 'had.' We are done. Kennedy's home. You have to leave."

Just then, Kennedy came bounding down the stairs throwing on a wind breaker. I looked over at him and didn't know what to say or do. All I could do was hope and pray that John wouldn't do something stupid.

"Hey John," Kennedy greeted him as he realized someone was at the door. "What's up man?" He padded over and gave John a slight hug.

"You didn't have to come all the way here just cause I came home today," Kennedy chuckled, "it's very nice that you did, but we would have seen you eventually."

"That's not why I'm here," John mumbled.

"John," I shot him and icy glare and stomped my foot towards the door. "He just wanted to see if we needed anything now that you were home, but I told him we were fine so he can go now."

"It's alright Britta," Kennedy smiled, "that's was very nice of him, do you want to come with us to pick up the boys? I'm sure they'd love to see you."

"No, Kennedy I don't," John replied.

"Oh alright," Kennedy shook his head and took a step back. "You don't have to come man, it was just a suggestion."

"Did Britta tell you everything about what happened when you were gone?" John asked him.

"Not everything," Kennedy shrugged, "I haven't been home that long, but she did tell me Lacey went to Italy. How was her trip?"

"I wouldn't know," John began, "she's not coming home. I assume she never got the papers signed. I assumed she went over there and fell in love with Antonio. Maybe she tought I was dead."

"JOHN!" I shouted.

"What are you talking about?" Kennedy inquired.

"I'm talking about love Kennedy. You love your wife right? She loves you? Well guess what, when she thought you were dead she loved the fuck out of me."

"Whoa hold on," Kennedy threw his hands up, "Britta what is he talking about?"

"Tell him Britta, tell him what I'm talking about," John urged, "tell him how you told me that you didn't want anyone else in the world but me. Tell him about the nights we spent together. All the nights we slept together."

"Britta, is what he's saying true? Did you sleep together?"

"I, he…you were…"

"Tell him Britta!" John yelled, "Tell him you love me. Tell him what you told me."

"John stop!" I cried, "I don't love you."

"That's not what you said two nights ago, when we were HAVING SEX IN YOUR BED!"

"Britta, why didn't you tell me?" Kennedy asked, hurt dripping off his voice.

"Yeah, Britta why didn't you tell him? Is it because you don't really love him? Is it because you love me?"

"John stop!" I yelled again, "just stop."

"Britta, tell me the truth!" Kennedy yelled, "do you love John?"

"Tell him you love me!"

"Just stop!"

I ran outside as the tears started to fall in buckets down my face. I had to get away from those two before I lost my mind. I ran down the yard and heard someone call my name behind me. I turned to see who it was and stepped off the grass and onto the street. Just as I turned my head that's when I saw the headlights. The burning white head lights were the last thing I saw before everything went black.


	13. This Is The Endddddddddddd

**Prepare to be Mind Fuckeddddddddddd :) And guess what? It's all over!! :'(**

**Britta's POV-**

I woke up with a sudden jot. I found myself lying in a hospital bed surrounded by white. My body seemed unharmed but my head was still woozy. I sat up and looked around the room. The only other eyes I found were beautiful blues surrounded my blonde hair and a flawless face.

"Taylor?" I whispered groggily.

"You're finally awake!" she exclaimed.

"What-what happened?" I asked, examining the tubes in my arms and nose. "Why am I in the hospital?"

"Britt, you don't remember?" Taylor leaned in and placed her hand on mine, "Do you have any idea where you are?"

I shook my head no and waited for her to respond. She sighed and leaned back in her chair. "I can't believe you don't remember. Well I guess it's better that you don't."

"Will you please just tell me what happened and where I am?"

"Well first of all, you're in LA," Taylor began.

"Why am I in Los Angeles?" I exclaimed.

"Britt…you tried to kill yourself two weeks ago."

She said the words and I instantly didn't believe her. She was crazy. I didn't try and kill myself…what. Was this a joke?

"You were told that Kennedy was dead and you completely lost it. You took a whole bottle of sleeping pills. You're lucky John found you before it was too late. He brought you to the hospital and they had to pump your stomach. They said they had to keep you on suicide watch but they didn't have the specialists or the room to keep you there."

She kept talking. She wasn't kidding. Why didn't I remember all this?

"All the pills put you into shock and you've been in a coma for about two weeks now. They said you might suffer some memory loss but I didn't expect you to not remember anything."

"Two weeks? But I was with John two weeks ago…"

"You were," Taylor interrupted me, "when he found you in your house almost dead."

"But John and I, we fell in love. We slept together. And then Kennedy was alive…and I felt so guilty. Wait! Is Kennedy alive?"

"He's fine," Taylor sighed, "Florida State hospital called you a few days but you were still out cold. I talked to them for you. Kennedy got home and didn't know where you were."

"He's alive," I whispered.

"He's very much so alive, but you almost weren't. Britt how could you do that? Try and kill yourself!"

"I don't remember doing it!" I exclaimed, "I remember getting a call telling me that Kennedy was dead. And then…and then Lacey went to Italy and I was with John. I was always with John. We fell in love. And we went to Kennedy's memorial service…"

"Memorial service? Britt, there was no memorial service for Kennedy or anybody else in the fire. They were going to wait until you were okay again, and until Rachael had her baby. She was bedridden for weeks."

"No memorial service?" I whispered.

"Nope," Taylor shook her head.

"Taylor don't lie to me!" I exclaimed, "what really happened, why am I here?"

"Listen," Taylor leaned in and grabbed my hand, "You tried to kill yourself and now you're in a special hospital where people are going to watch you and keep you safe okay. Kennedy's alive. You're alive. Everyone is okay."

"How do you know?" I cried.

"Because Britt, I've been with you since Day 1…"


	14. Epilogue Two must go but one returns

**You know I wouldn't leave you guys without an epilogue ;) love you!**

* * *

**One Month Later…**

**Britta's POV-**

"I told you I'd be home for their first birthday," Kennedy whispered before he kissed my ear. We stood in the middle of the kitchen as I prepared the cake for the boy's party.

"I should have made the same promise," I replied.

Kennedy sighed and wrapped his arm tightly around my waist. I grabbed the serving knife and spun around to face him. His beautiful greenish-yellow eyes stared back at mine and I didn't know what to say. He had been home nearly a month and I was still attached to his hip. We'd barely spent anytime apart and it didn't seem to be bothering either of us. The only problem was, well I was leaving on tour soon and Kennedy still wasn't 100 percent sure he would be able to come with me.

"Let's just forget about what happened okay, atleast for today. It's the boy's day. Let's just be thankful that we're both here and we have two beautiful sons who we managed to keep up with for a year so far."

"You're right," I sighed and lightly kissed his lips, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Kennedy shook his head, "be happy, you deserve to be."

Turning back around I grabbed the cake and Kennedy helped me carry it out into the living room to place on the food table.

Everyone was standing around the living room sipping drinks and talking. Hawke played with Haley in the play area and Rachael cradled her and Garrett's beautiful baby girl. They had named her Ryann Amanda Nickelsen, after Garrett's personal hero Ryan Adams.

"Is everyone here?" I asked the crowd.

"Uh, I think we're still waiting for John," Eric replied from the loveseat, "but he's always late."

I watched as Eric checked his phone to see if John had called and I noticed he was alone. No Leanne, no date, no one. I didn't know if he and Leanne were officially together or not but she was welcome to come to Jack and Fletchers party, I mean Haley was here, why couldn't she be?

"Did you call Gabi?" I asked Kennedy. He gave me a weird look and shook his head no. That's when I remembered I had never had that conversation with her, clearing everything up. I reached for my phone and dialed in her number.

"Britt what are you doing?" Kennedy asked.

"I'm inviting Gabi to the party." The phone rang two times and I waited for her to answer. Maybe she was at work or something. Or maybe she didn't want to talk to me.

"You don't have to invite her, she won't be hurt or anything," Kennedy began.

"Kenny, really it's fine. She was at Hawke's first birthday…"

"Because I brought her!"

I rolled my eyes and prepared to leave a voicemail, "I'm inviting her and you can't stop me!" I stuck out my tongue and gripped the phone tighter.

"Oh really?" Kennedy reached for the phone and I turned away. He tackled into my back and I tucked my head down.

"Please leave a message after the beep…" was all I heard before Kennedy managed to scramble the phone away from me. Quickly he ended the call and shoved the phone down his pants.

"No Kennedy," I cooed, "you know damn well I'm not afraid to reach down there and get my phone."

"Then go right ahead," he replied, his lips curling into a smirk. Pressing my hands against his shoulders I led us back into the kitchen and pushed his up against the wall. Our lips touched as I reached down his pants and retrieved my phone. He softly giggled under his breath as we pulled apart.

"I love you," I mouthed as we locked eyes.

"I love you more," Kennedy whispered before kissing my forehead.

Soon a figure appeared in the door way and Kennedy and I both lost focus on each other. I turned to see who it was and met eyes with Brian. His sandy blonde hair lay in a messy heap on his head and his Novembeard was in full bloom.

"Hey, so uh when are we doing gifts?" he asked.

"When John get's here," I replied.

"Do you know when he's coming?"

"He was supposed to be here ten minutes ago," I answered, "I'm sure he'll be here soon."

Brian nodded and returned to the living room. I stared at the empty doorway for a second before Kennedy kissed my cheek.

"What cha thinking about?" he asked as I turned to face him again.

"How much I'm going to miss everyone," I replied, "maybe we're making a mistake."

"We're not, I promise you." Kennedy leaned his forehead on mine, "it won't be that bad, I promise."

"When are we going to tell everyone?" I whined.

"When John get's here," Kennedy laughed, "where is he anyway?"

"I don't know," I shook my head and let out a deep sigh, "maybe he doesn't want to come. Maybe he's still freaked out about what happened."

"Nothing happened," Kennedy assured me, "it was all a bad dream remember?"

"It didn't feel like a dream!" I exclaimed.

"Britt I know, we've gone over this a million times. But none of that ever happened, you never slept with John and you never got hit by a car."

"I know, I know."

"So come on, let's get to the party. Who needs John anyway?"

**John's POV-**

I couldn't believe I was late. I was late to my best friend's son's first birthday party. Why hadn't anyone called to wake me up? I was never good with time and being on schedule. Lacey was the one who kept us in line, she always had the plan.

I crawled out of bed and shuffled over to the mirror. My hair looked like I'd slept in a bathtub full of gel and my eyes were still half shut. I had to stop drinking so damn much that was my problem. But what else was there to do? The band was on a break from touring, Stephen and Jess were always together and Brian and Kelsey were busy planning their wedding. Who was I supposed to hang out with Jobe? Oh yeah, cause we get along. We'd be fine if he didn't try and out the moves on Lacey last July. She turned him down but still, you don't fuck with your supposed best friend's girlfriend, well ex-girlfriend at the time.

Lacey still hadn't come home yet. She was still over in Italy with Antonio, doing God knows what. I didn't care anymore. I missed her but it wasn't worth moping around all the time. She obviously stopped caring so I had to too.

Finding a decent outfit, I quickly got dressed and went downstairs to slip on my shoes. I grabbed my wallet off the counter and my keys out of the bowl by the door and checked my hair once again in the mirror.

I reached for the knob and unlocked the door. A vibrating in my pocket stopped me from stepping outside and I quickly pulled out my phone. It was Britta calling. I swallowed hard and answered.

"Hey, sorry I'm running late I'm leaving now."

"Oh it's fine, I was just making sure you were okay. Get your butt over here!"

"I'm coming I'm coming," I laughed as I pulled open the door. Talking to Britta was a little awkward but relieving at the same time. I mean, being the one who found her that day put a lot of fucked up shit in my head. Seeing someone who you cared about that much so close to death is one of the hardest things anyone can go through. And then she told me about those dreams she had, about us and how we fell in love. Though they were just dreams, they felt so real to her and after a while I started believing in them too. I would second guess myself and sometimes I'd even think I was actually in love with her. That's when the drinking got worse.

I stepped outside and pulled the door shut tight behind me. Something caught my eye in the corner of the porch but I quickly shook the thought out of my head. There was no way it was her. The red hair, the beautiful green eyes. Her recognizable scent of lilacs and fantasy perfume. I closed my eyes and turned to face the chairs arranged on the porch.

Opening them, I knew I couldn't have been imagining it. There she was, bags in hand, sporting a dark Italian sun tan.

"Lacey?" I whispered as I stepped towards her, "you're…you're here."

**Britta's POV-**

I plucked my phone out of my pocket and tossed it on the coffee table. John was pretty quick to hang up and the last thing I heard was him assuring me that he was on his way. But it had been about 15 minutes since then and he was still a no show. I didn't want to hold the party up any longer. We started on gifts as I held Jack in my lap while Kennedy helped Fletcher open his gift from Eric.

I looked over at him as Fletcher opened his gift and studied his expression. Three years ago he was sitting in the same place helping Hawke open his gifts. It seemed like a million years ago, but it all ended so fast. I wondered if this was weird for him or if he was bitter. Him and Kennedy seemed to be fine, which was surprising to me. Realizing I was locked on him, Eric looked up into my eyes and smiled. I quickly smiled back but didn't look away. He knew what I was thinking. He knew exactly how I felt too. He knew I'd always love him. But he also knew that'd I'd always love Kennedy more than anything, and that's what tore us apart.

"Congratulations," Eric mouthed.

"Thank you," I replied as Jack wrapped his tiny hand around my finger. Brian handed him and gift and I reached around to help him open it.

The party was nearing over and John still hadn't arrived. The cake was gone, the presents were open and the boys were almost ready for bed. All the guests had traveled outside and Stephen started a bonfire in the backyard.

Kennedy and I stood in the kitchen and watched as Rachael let Jess hold Ryann. Jess was about 5 months pregnant and was till terrified of motherhood. She never expected to have kids but Stephen really wanted to be a father, and Jess secretly wanted to be a mother. They'd be fine, I knew they would, but it's still scary.

Kennedy wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in. "Id' say today was a success," he said with a smile.

"I'd half to agree," I replied before pecking his lips.

Resting my head on his chest he slowly rocked us back and forth and I studied the kitchen around us. It went from being my kitchen, to Eric and I's kitchen, back to my kitchen, and then Kennedy and I's. And we were leaving it. The kitchen that held so many memories.

"Kennedy," I whispered, "do you remember the night I told you I was pregnant with Hawke?"

"Yeah," Kennedy shook his head, "we were standing right here."

"That was one of the hardest things I ever had to do," I admitted.

"It wasn't that easy for me to hear either," Kennedy sighed, "that night I really thought I lost you. I didn't know what to do."

"Kennedy you have to understand where I was. I was 19, scared out of my mind and so confused about who I loved my heart took the fucking day off."

"I know," he shook his head, "and what does it matter anyway, we found each other in the end."

"I always knew we would," I replied.

"Everyone knew," Kennedy mumbled.

"Even Eric."

"Okay guys," I announced, "we have to tell you guys something."

Everyone turned to face us and Stephen turned down the music. I cleared my throat and grabbed Kennedy's hand.

"Britta, you're not pregnant again are you?" Rachael asked.

"No!" I exclaimed, "it's going to be a long long time before we have more kids."

"Then what's the big news?" Jen asked.

"We're leaving," Kennedy finally announced.

"What do you mean? Like on tour?" Pat asked.

"No," I sighed, "we're moving…to Los Angeles."

"What!" Everyone exclaimed, "why?"

"It'll just be easier with the tour coming up and the studio's right there. We already have a down payment on a house in Hollywood. We're going to be neighbors with Sophia Bush!"

"That's great Britt," Jess replied, "but aren't you going to miss Arizona?"

"Of course we will, and we'll come see you guys all the time, we just won't be living here anymore."

"Wait you're selling the house?" Eric asked, his voice filled with concern.

"It's going up on the market tomorrow," Kennedy explained.

"No it's not," Eric shook his head.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's not going up on the market because I'm going to buy it."

"Eric you don't have to…"

"I'm serious, there's no way I'm letting you sell this house. Your children grew up in this house; _our _child grew up in this house. This is the first house I ever had that I could actually call my own. Don't put the house up on the market, I'll take it. I want this house."

**John's POV-**

I sat down next to her in the patio chair and tried to steady my breathing. I still wasn't 100 percent sure I believed she was really even here. She reached out for my hand and gently wrapped her fingers around mine.

"John, are you going to say something?"

"How long have you been out here?" I asked.

"About a half hour,' she replied, "I was scared to just go in, but I felt awkward knocking."

"So you were just going to wait until I came outside?"

"It worked didn't it?"

"What do you want Lacey? Why did you come back?"

Lacey sighed and pulled her hand back. She gently laid both her hands in her lap and began picking at her nails.

"I came back John because I had to tell you something, and I couldn't do it over the phone or in an email. This had to be in person."

"What is it?" I asked, my impatience growing.

"Well for one, Antonio and I aren't married anymore. I filed for new papers and I brought them to town hall this morning. Signed."

"That's great Lacey," I replied, "what made you change your mind?"

'Nothing made me change my mind, John. It's just I found out something and Antonio and I talked about it…and I found out that Antonio is sterile. He can't have children."

"Okay," I replied, "and what does that have to do with me?"

"I'm pregnant, John."


End file.
